some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other . Others believe people have become more independent . Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In modern society, the
numbers
of Fix the agreement mistake
number
people
relationships Change noun form
people's
are
subject to debate, with some contending that people are increasingly reliant on each other Correct subject-verb agreement
is
while
others argue for growing independence. This
essay explores both perspectives, with a focus on the assertion that individuals are becoming more independent.
Beginning with the first view , percent
of increasing interdependence Correct your spelling
the percentage
point
to various societal trends that underscore the growing reliance on others. In the professional realm, specialization in various fields necessitates collaboration and teamwork. Fix the agreement mistake
points
For instance
, in the field of medicine, doctors, nurses, and technicians must collaborate closely to provide comprehensive patient care. Similarly
, globalization has interconnected nations economically and socially, leading to mutual dependence for
trade, Change preposition
on
resources
, and addressing global challenges. The COVID-19 pandemic demonstrated how interconnected the world has become, with countries relying on each other for medical supplies, vaccines, and scientific expertise to combat the virus.
Correct word choice
and resources
On the other hand
, I contend modern society promotes individual autonomy and self-sufficiency. One notable trend is the rise of smaller family sizes and increased mobility. With fewer family members living together and more individuals studying or working away from home, people are compelled to rely less on family support networks and develop independence. For example
, students studying abroad often manage their finances, accommodation, and daily routines independently, fostering self-reliance and adaptability.
In conclusion, while
there are undeniable instances of increasing interdependence in modern society, the overall
trajectory leans towards greater individual independence. Advances in technology, education, Correct word choice
apply
and
mobility, and many other changes have empowered individuals to pursue their ambitions and navigate life with greater autonomy.Correct word choice
apply
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task achievement
Try to offer more specific examples to illustrate your points, especially when discussing the independence of individuals. For instance, mention technological tools that enhance autonomy.
coherence cohesion
Work on more varied sentence structures and linking words to enhance coherence. Introducing contrasting viewpoints within paragraphs could make your arguments more dynamic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively structured, providing a clear overview of the essay's direction and summing up your arguments well.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion of both views before stating your own opinion, which is good practice in IELTS writing.
task achievement
The use of the COVID-19 pandemic as an example of global interdependence was a strong and relevant choice.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?