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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that having sports in schools is a waste of time and resources, while others believe that sports in school are a vital part of education. Discuss both of these views and give your opinion

#people #sports #schools #waste #time #resources #school #part #education
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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that some people believe that including
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 in
school
Use synonyms
 programs is a waste of time and resources, whilst other people believe that sport in schools is a crucial part of education. A commonly held belief is that having physical activities in daily
life
Use synonyms
 leads to a healthy lifestyle and long
life
Use synonyms
. As evidence of
this
Linking Words
 doing exercises
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 decreases the chance of having cardiovascular issues
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
twenty three
Add a hyphen
twenty-three
show examples
 per cent.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, keeping muscles in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good shape brings to a good mood and
avoid
Correct subject-verb agreement
avoids
show examples
 depression because of the synthesis of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
dopamine during the sport. It could be explained by the fact that our ancestors had a healthy and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very active type of lifestyle and
that is
Linking Words
 why our body requires
an exercises
Correct the article-noun agreement
exercises
an exercise
show examples
 even in a small portion
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 childhood.
As a result
Linking Words
, having sports in daily
life
Use synonyms
 leads to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good health and
happy
Correct article usage
a happy
show examples
life
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people claim that
students
Use synonyms
 can do
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
exercises
out
Change preposition
outside
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 and spending an enormous amount of time and money to
training
Wrong verb form
train
show examples
 them between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 lessons
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 good idea.
For example
Linking Words
, they may mention that pupils with extra fat could feel
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
terrible because of the difference from other
students
Use synonyms
 and
while
Linking Words
 doing the same activities they could
take
Verb problem
experience
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traumas
Fix the agreement mistake
trauma
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, having
a physical education classes
Correct the article-noun agreement
a physical education class
physical education classes
show examples
 between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lessons could be uncomfortable for the
students
Use synonyms
 because they would
seat
Verb problem
sit
show examples
 in the classes
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
school
Use synonyms
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
after
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and almost all the schools do not have
a conditions
Correct the article-noun agreement
conditions
a condition
show examples
 for giving the opportunity to take a shower for twenty
students
Use synonyms
 at one time.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some parents are against
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical classes in schools. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account I would argue that having
a sports
Correct the article-noun agreement
sports
a sport
show examples
 in
school
Use synonyms
 is a bad idea, because everyone should know how to keep
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good shape from childhood and
school
Use synonyms
 is a very suitable place to teach youngsters
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a huge scale.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
Overall, the essay provides a clear response to the task with relevant arguments on both sides of the discussion. However, it would benefit from a more balanced elaboration for both perspectives. Some points could be expanded further to provide a stronger argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea that is fully developed and supported. The conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the key points discussed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure, grammar, and word choice to avoid small inaccuracies and awkward phrasing that may affect readability. For example, 'could take a traumas' should be 'could get injured'.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The writer provides relevant examples and explains the benefits and drawbacks of having sports in schools.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical development
  • Overall health improvement
  • Life skills
  • Teamwork
  • Leadership
  • Dealing with failure
  • Managing stress
  • Academic performance
  • School spirit
  • Strain school budgets
  • Sports-related injuries
  • Essential subjects and activities
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