Some people believe that having sports in schools is a waste of time and resources, while others believe that sports in school are a vital part of education. Discuss both of these views and give your opinion

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that some people believe that including
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
in
school
programs is a waste of time and resources, whilst other people believe that sport in schools is a crucial part of education. A commonly held belief is that having physical activities in daily
life
leads to a healthy lifestyle and long
life
. As evidence of
this
doing exercises
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
decreases the chance of having cardiovascular issues
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
twenty three
Add a hyphen
twenty-three
show examples
per cent.
Furthermore
, keeping muscles in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good shape brings to a good mood and
avoid
Correct subject-verb agreement
avoids
show examples
depression because of the synthesis of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
dopamine during the sport. It could be explained by the fact that our ancestors had a healthy and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very active type of lifestyle and
that is
why our body requires
an exercises
Correct the article-noun agreement
exercises
an exercise
show examples
even in a small portion
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
childhood.
As a result
, having sports in daily
life
leads to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good health and
happy
Correct article usage
a happy
show examples
life
.
On the other hand
, some people claim that
students
can do
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
exercises
out
Change preposition
outside
show examples
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
and spending an enormous amount of time and money to
training
Wrong verb form
train
show examples
them between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
lessons
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
not
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
good idea.
For example
, they may mention that pupils with extra fat could feel
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
terrible because of the difference from other
students
and
while
doing the same activities they could
take
Verb problem
experience
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traumas
Fix the agreement mistake
trauma
show examples
.
In addition
, having
a physical education classes
Correct the article-noun agreement
a physical education class
physical education classes
show examples
between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lessons could be uncomfortable for the
students
because they would
seat
Verb problem
sit
show examples
in the classes
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
school
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
show examples
after
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and almost all the schools do not have
a conditions
Correct the article-noun agreement
conditions
a condition
show examples
for giving the opportunity to take a shower for twenty
students
at one time.
Therefore
, some parents are against
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical classes in schools. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account I would argue that having
a sports
Correct the article-noun agreement
sports
a sport
show examples
in
school
is a bad idea, because everyone should know how to keep
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good shape from childhood and
school
is a very suitable place to teach youngsters
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
a huge scale.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
Overall, the essay provides a clear response to the task with relevant arguments on both sides of the discussion. However, it would benefit from a more balanced elaboration for both perspectives. Some points could be expanded further to provide a stronger argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea that is fully developed and supported. The conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the key points discussed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure, grammar, and word choice to avoid small inaccuracies and awkward phrasing that may affect readability. For example, 'could take a traumas' should be 'could get injured'.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The writer provides relevant examples and explains the benefits and drawbacks of having sports in schools.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical development
  • Overall health improvement
  • Life skills
  • Teamwork
  • Leadership
  • Dealing with failure
  • Managing stress
  • Academic performance
  • School spirit
  • Strain school budgets
  • Sports-related injuries
  • Essential subjects and activities
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