Some people believe that having sports in schools is a waste of time and resources, while others believe that sports in school are a vital part of education. Discuss both of these views and give your opinion
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that some people believe that including
sport
in Fix the agreement mistake
sports
school
programs is a waste of time and resources, whilst other people believe that sport in schools is a crucial part of education.
A commonly held belief is that having physical activities in daily life
leads to a healthy lifestyle and long life
. As evidence of this
doing exercises everyday
decreases the chance of having cardiovascular issues Replace the word
every day
for
Change preposition
by
twenty three
per cent. Add a hyphen
twenty-three
Furthermore
, keeping muscles in a
good shape brings to a good mood and Correct article usage
apply
avoid
depression because of the synthesis of Correct subject-verb agreement
avoids
a
dopamine during the sport. It could be explained by the fact that our ancestors had a healthy and Remove the article
apply
a
very active type of lifestyle and Correct article usage
apply
that is
why our body requires an exercises
even in a small portion Correct the article-noun agreement
exercises
an exercise
from
childhood. Change preposition
of
As a result
, having sports in daily life
leads to a
good health and Remove the article
apply
happy
Correct article usage
a happy
life
.
On the other hand
, some people claim that students
can do an
exercises Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
out
of Change preposition
outside
the
Correct article usage
apply
school
and spending an enormous amount of time and money to training
them between Wrong verb form
train
the
Correct article usage
apply
school
lessons are
not Correct subject-verb agreement
is
very
good idea. Add an article
a very
For example
, they may mention that pupils with extra fat could feel themselves
terrible because of the difference from other Correct pronoun usage
apply
students
and while
doing the same activities they could take
Verb problem
experience
a
Correct article usage
apply
traumas
. Fix the agreement mistake
trauma
In addition
, having a physical education classes
between Correct the article-noun agreement
a physical education class
physical education classes
the
lessons could be uncomfortable for the Correct article usage
apply
students
because they would seat
in the classes Verb problem
sit
with
Change preposition
in
school
uniform
Fix the agreement mistake
uniforms
after
Change preposition
apply
that
and almost all the schools do not have Correct pronoun usage
apply
a conditions
for giving the opportunity to take a shower for twenty Correct the article-noun agreement
conditions
a condition
students
at one time. Therefore
, some parents are against the
physical classes in schools.
In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account I would argue that having Correct article usage
apply
a sports
in Correct the article-noun agreement
sports
a sport
school
is a bad idea, because everyone should know how to keep itself
in Correct pronoun usage
themselves
a
good shape from childhood and Correct article usage
apply
school
is a very suitable place to teach youngsters in
a huge scale.Change preposition
on
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task achievement
Overall, the essay provides a clear response to the task with relevant arguments on both sides of the discussion. However, it would benefit from a more balanced elaboration for both perspectives. Some points could be expanded further to provide a stronger argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea that is fully developed and supported. The conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the key points discussed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure, grammar, and word choice to avoid small inaccuracies and awkward phrasing that may affect readability. For example, 'could take a traumas' should be 'could get injured'.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The writer provides relevant examples and explains the benefits and drawbacks of having sports in schools.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?