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Band 5.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
Visiting
Add an article
the museum
show examples
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
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 on weekends or
holiday
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holidays
show examples
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 a trend nowadays. Some
people
 argue that
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 should charge
entrance
 fees to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
visitors
while
 others argue there is no need to do so. I personally believe the advantages of charging
entrance
 fees to
museum
visitors
 outweigh its disadvantages for the reasons set out below. It is undeniable that charging
admission
Add an article
an admission
show examples
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitors
 has some drawbacks,
for
example
Add a comma
example,
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 it may discourage
people
to visit
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from visiting
show examples
museums
 as
people
 do not like spending additional expenses, especially for entering a public space.
In addition
, by implementing the admission charge,
museums
 will
also
 need to hire additional employees to serve as cashiers who receive money from the guests. Notwithstanding the above, I believe it is more beneficial to charge an
entrance
fee
 to
visitors
 because of the following reasons.
First,
the funds that are received from
visitors
 can be used for maintaining the quality or even for developing and improving some of the
museums
’ installations and facilities.
Moreover
, charging an
entrance
fee
 helps
preventing
Wrong verb form
prevent
show examples
 the
museums
 from getting non-serious
visitors
 who,
for example
, only want to sit and stretch their legs as these
people
 distressfully contribute to the crowdedness of the
museums
. I believe only serious
museum
 goers
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
want to pay an extra
fee
for entering
Change preposition
to enter
show examples
 the
museums
.
Last
 but not least, when the
museums
 hire cashiers to receive the
entrance
fee
, it will open employment opportunities. Considering the above, I believe
although
 charging fees to
museum
visitors
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some drawbacks, the benefits it gets from imposing an
entrance
fee
 on the
visitors
 are larger than the disadvantages caused.
Submitted by sormindevina on

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task achievement
Providing specific examples from real museums or citing studies about economic impacts could strengthen your argument further.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using a wider range of connective devices to enhance cohesion between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Review and refine your use of transition words to ensure your argument flows more naturally, avoiding repetitive phrases.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate your stance, providing a clear overview of your argument.
supported main points
You have adeptly framed the advantages and disadvantages of charging admission, demonstrating a well-rounded understanding of the issue.
logical structure
Your coherent paragraph structure aids in maintaining the reader’s focus on each of your main points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
What to do next:
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