IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of outweigh the disadvantages?

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Countries with
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 portion of elderly
people
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 have their own perks.
The
Correct article usage
A
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further
Linking Words
 explanation
about
Change preposition
of
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this
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 statement will be presented in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, there are some advantages of having more elderly
people
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.
For example
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, the institution will build more infrastructures for the old ones,
such
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 as public
transportations
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transportation
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, health facilities, and parks.
This
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 will
not
Add a missing verb
be not
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 only
beneficial
Correct word choice
apply
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for the elderly but
also
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all
Change preposition
for all
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people
Use synonyms
 in those states
are
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to be
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 able to use the same amenities since there is no limitation rule.
Secondly
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, the other positive impact is young
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people
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people's
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 awareness to look after their grandmothers or grandfathers will increase because they just simply love them and are not willing to escort them into nursing
house
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homes
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. Actually, it is
such
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 a
heart-warming
Correct your spelling
heartwarming
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 situation.
As a result
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, the happiness index of the
people
Use synonyms
 will rise and the stress level will decrease.
On the other hand
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, nations with the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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majority of
population
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the population
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 elderly will probably experience an uneven population distribution that leads
into
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to
show examples
 sluggish growth of population and
lack
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a lack
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 of productive
people
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.
Consequently
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, these unproductive
people
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 will become a burden for their
family
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families
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 since they are not producing money anymore, except for those who still accept salary for their retirement.
That is
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 why
this
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 situation should be prepared by the government. The institution needs to make a clear rule that
guaranteed
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guarantees
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 its
citizen
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citizens
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 lives remain stable
although
Linking Words
 they have elderly to take care of. In conclusion, happiness is above everything. As long as the
people
Use synonyms
 of those countries feel happy taking care of the elderly, the burden that has been stated before is easily diminished.

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Introduction
Try to offer a clearer introduction that outlines your essay’s main points and stance more clearly. A brief mention of both the advantages and disadvantages in the introduction could provide a more comprehensive overview.
Use of Examples
Incorporate more specific examples to support your points effectively. While you mentioned increased infrastructure and heightened family care, detailing real-world applications or statistical evidence could enhance your argument.
Argument Balance
Work on developing a more balanced argument by exploring the disadvantages in greater depth. This would involve not just stating the problems but also discussing their implications and potential solutions.
Conclusion
Ensure the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main arguments of the essay. While the conclusion mentions happiness, it could be strengthened by briefly reiterating key points.
Engagement
Engaged with the topic and presented a viewpoint regarding the advantages of an ageing population.
Structure
Successfully structured with a basic introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Language Use
Good use of language to express ideas and maintain the reader's interest.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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