In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of outweigh the disadvantages?
Countries with
higher
portion of elderly Add an article
a higher
people
have their own perks. The
Correct article usage
A
further
explanation about
Change preposition
of
this
statement will be presented in this
essay.
Firstly
, there are some advantages of having more elderly people
. For example
, the institution will build more infrastructures for the old ones, such
as public transportations
, health facilities, and parks. Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
This
will not
only Add a missing verb
be not
beneficial
for the elderly but Correct word choice
apply
also
all
Change preposition
for all
people
in those states are
able to use the same amenities since there is no limitation rule. Change the verb form
to be
Secondly
, the other positive impact is young people
awareness to look after their grandmothers or grandfathers will increase because they just simply love them and are not willing to escort them into nursing Change noun form
people's
house
. Actually, it is Correct your spelling
homes
such
a heart-warming
situation. Correct your spelling
heartwarming
As a result
, the happiness index of the people
will rise and the stress level will decrease.
On the other hand
, nations with the the
majority of Remove the redundancy
apply
population
Add an article
the population
is
elderly will probably experience an uneven population distribution that leads Change the verb form
are
into
sluggish growth of population and Change preposition
to
lack
of productive Correct article usage
a lack
people
. Consequently
, these unproductive people
will become a burden for their family
since they are not producing money anymore, except for those who still accept salary for their retirement. Fix the agreement mistake
families
That is
why this
situation should be prepared by the government. The institution needs to make a clear rule that guaranteed
its Wrong verb form
guarantees
citizen
lives remain stable Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
although
they have elderly to take care of.
In conclusion, happiness is above everything. As long as the people
of those countries feel happy taking care of the elderly, the burden that has been stated before is easily diminished.Submitted by srsdy008 on
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Introduction
Try to offer a clearer introduction that outlines your essay’s main points and stance more clearly. A brief mention of both the advantages and disadvantages in the introduction could provide a more comprehensive overview.
Use of Examples
Incorporate more specific examples to support your points effectively. While you mentioned increased infrastructure and heightened family care, detailing real-world applications or statistical evidence could enhance your argument.
Argument Balance
Work on developing a more balanced argument by exploring the disadvantages in greater depth. This would involve not just stating the problems but also discussing their implications and potential solutions.
Conclusion
Ensure the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main arguments of the essay. While the conclusion mentions happiness, it could be strengthened by briefly reiterating key points.
Engagement
Engaged with the topic and presented a viewpoint regarding the advantages of an ageing population.
Structure
Successfully structured with a basic introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Language Use
Good use of language to express ideas and maintain the reader's interest.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...