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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative deveo

#countries #people #products #world #deveo
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It
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It is
It was
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 undeniable that modern globalization affects the behaviour of consumers in our society. One interesting
development
 is the ability for
people
 from various
countries
 to buy the same
products
 because all
products
 are now provided online and can be shipped worldwide. I believe the positives of
this
development
 outweigh the negatives. Some
people
 argue that the ability to buy
products
 from any country in the world
gives
Verb problem
has
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 a bad impact
to
Change preposition
on
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 the sale of local
products
.
This
 happens especially in developing
countries
, where the trend is for
people
 to purchase
products
 from developed
countries
.
However
, I
also
 believe it can be used as an advantage
of
Change preposition
for
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 local business players. With the current
development
 of technology, these businesses can
also
market
 their
products
 online so that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 will
also
 reach international
market
Fix the agreement mistake
markets
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. On the positive impacts, I believe there are several advantages following the cross-border sale and purchase of goods. I am of the view that the open
market
 provides accessible means for
people
 to buy
wide
Add an article
a wide
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 range of goods, including rare medicines, which are important to support one’s life. With the open
market
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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medicines can be distributed equally to those in need around the world.
Furthermore
, consumers
are
Verb problem
apply
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also
benefitted
Verb problem
benefit
show examples
 from
this
development
, as the price of the
products
 will be cheaper as the consumers do not need to spend money on the travel costs. Considering the above, I personally think that the ability to purchase
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
products
 in every country is a positive
development
 because it opens access for
people
 to obtain important rare
products
as well as
 giving less expenses for
people
 to experience the same
products
 like in other
countries
.
Submitted by sormindevina on

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task achievement
To improve your task achievement score, consider including more detailed, specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to enhance the readability and flow of your essay. This will further improve your coherence and cohesion score.
task achievement
You've done well in presenting a balanced view that acknowledges both the positives and negatives of global consumer behavior.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with a well-defined introduction and conclusion that effectively encapsulate your viewpoints.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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