IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that when deciding how taxes should be spent, governments should prioritise health care. Other people believe that there are more important priorities for taxpayers' money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The allocation of taxpayers' money is a critical issue that often sparks debate. Some individuals argue that
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 should be the foremost priority for government expenditure,
while
Linking Words
 others contend that there are more pressing needs that should be addressed first.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own viewpoint. On one hand, proponents of prioritising
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 in government spending emphasize the fundamental importance of a healthy population.
Health
Use synonyms
 is the cornerstone of a productive society; without it, individuals cannot work efficiently, children cannot attend school regularly, and
overall
Linking Words
 economic growth is stunted. Investing in
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 ensures that citizens have access to necessary medical services, leading to improved life expectancy and quality of life.
For instance
Linking Words
, countries like Sweden and Canada, which allocate significant portions of their budgets to
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
, have some of the highest standards of living and
health
Use synonyms
 outcomes globally.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the COVID-19 pandemic has highlighted the critical need for robust
Use synonyms
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 systems that can respond swiftly to emergencies, underscoring the argument for prioritising
Use synonyms
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 spending.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some argue that there are other urgent priorities that
also
Linking Words
 require substantial funding.
Education
Use synonyms
,
for instance
Linking Words
, is crucial for the long-term
development
Use synonyms
 of any nation. A well-educated population is better equipped to innovate, drive economic growth, and tackle complex societal challenges. Countries like South Korea, which have invested heavily in
education
Use synonyms
, have seen remarkable economic progress and advancements in technology.
Additionally
Linking Words
, infrastructure
development
Use synonyms
 is another area that demands attention. Building and maintaining roads, bridges, and public transport systems are essential for economic activities and can significantly enhance the quality of life for citizens.
Moreover
Linking Words
, investing in renewable energy and environmental conservation is becoming increasingly important in the face of climate change, ensuring sustainable
development
Use synonyms
 for future generations. In my opinion,
while
Linking Words
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 is undeniably important and should receive substantial funding, it is imperative that governments adopt a balanced approach. Prioritising one sector over all others can lead to neglect in equally vital areas. Governments should strive to create a comprehensive budget that addresses
Use synonyms
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 needs
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 investing in
education
Use synonyms
, infrastructure, and environmental sustainability.
This
Linking Words
 holistic approach ensures that all facets of society develop in tandem, leading to
overall
Linking Words
 national prosperity. In conclusion, the debate over whether
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 should be the primary focus of government spending is complex.
While
Linking Words
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 is essential for a thriving society, other areas
such
Linking Words
 as
education
Use synonyms
, infrastructure, and environmental conservation are equally important. A balanced approach to budgeting, which considers all these critical areas, is necessary for the holistic
development
Use synonyms
 of any nation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay thoroughly addresses the task by discussing both viewpoints and providing a clear opinion. To reach an even higher level, consider incorporating more diverse and detailed examples to further substantiate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a logical and easy-to-follow structure, with each paragraph clearly linked to the next. To enhance it further, you might include more connective phrases and varied sentence structures to improve the flow and readability.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize the main points.
coherence cohesion
You provide well-supported main points, especially when discussing the importance of health care and education.
task achievement
You clearly respond to the task with relevant and comprehensive ideas, showcasing a deep understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You include pertinent examples, making your arguments more relatable and convincing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Fundamental need
  • 2. Economic growth and development
  • 3. Workforce productivity
  • 4. Preventive health care
  • 5. Cost-effective
  • 6. Long-term outcomes
  • 7. Health disparities
  • 8. Social equity
  • 9. Socioeconomic status
  • 10. Vulnerable populations
  • 11. Infrastructure
  • 12. Quality of life
  • 13. Knowledgeable workforce
  • 14. Economic propellers
  • 15. Balanced approach
  • 16. Diverse allocation
  • 17. Societal development
  • 18. Robust economic performance
  • 19. Public funds
  • 20. Health system burden
What to do next:
Look at other essays: