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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The movement of people from agricultural areas to big cities caused problems in both palces. In your opinion, what is the reason for this problem? How can it be solved?

#movement #people #areas #cities #palces #reason
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In the contemporary era, people tend to migrate from farmland to
cities
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, which could lead to
population
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 issues in both areas.
This
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 phenomenon might
be
Verb problem
have
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 occurred
due to
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 the lack of employment in rural regions and the preference among younger generations for
cities
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.
This
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 essay will present the reason for emigration and suggest solutions. One of the greatest reasons for the movement to
cities
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 is a shortage of chances for employment. The agricultural region has a lower
population
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 compared to developed
cities
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 and
this
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 means that the employment market is relatively smaller, which could decrease the possibility of obtaining occupation. Another reason is that younger generations tend to prefer the
cities
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 owing to the adoration of influencers. The youngsters exposed to countless media in everyday life, hope to live
Correct article usage
a similiar
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similiar
Correct your spelling
similar
 life to the stars they adore.
Consequently
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,
this
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 makes the movement of them to
cities
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 faster. These can cause serious
population
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 problems in both regions
therefore
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, the government should address them immediately. The first one could be tackled by giving enough amount of grants to rural dwellers to create better places than before.
This
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 can motivate city inhabitants to consider the migration to arable land and solve the
population
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 problems.
Moreover
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, propagating
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 of the cultivated areas would encourage the younger generations to move to rural places. In conclusion, a lower number of job placements and the tendency to move to the city among youngsters could lead to serious
population
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 issues.
However
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, these problems can be solved through several solutions
such
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 as offering
compensations
Fix the agreement mistake
compensation
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 to rural inhabitants and advertising advantages of agricultural places.
Therefore
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, the authorities are supposed to deal with these issues to make a stable society.
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Specificity
Work on providing more specific examples to support your points, as this adds depth to your arguments
Development
Consider developing your ideas further for each reason you mention by adding more detailed explanations or consequences
Cohesion
Make sure to maintain a clear thread of discussion throughout your essay, linking your ideas more explicitly to ensure the reader can follow your argument with ease
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, offering a clear overview and summary of your essay's content
Response completeness
You've successfully addressed the topic with a comprehensive response that covers the causes and possible solutions to the issue

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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