IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people think that museums and galleries should only show work from local artists rather than work from other countries. Do you agree?

#people #museums #galleries #show #work #artists #countries
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Nowadays
art
 plays a vital role in human's everyday life,
while
 some
people
 believe that venues like museums and galleries should only present artworks from local
artists
 rather than foreign ones. From my perspective , I partially agree with that, and in
this
 essay, I will support
this
 view with arguments in the following paragraphs. Local venues are always associated with regional culture and communities, through them
people
 can not only have an opportunity to get familiar with a place
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 improve their knowledge.
That is
 to say, native
artists
 are essential as they can create more culture-related
art
 compared to non-native
artists
 who lack
this
 knowledge.
For instance
, take the Bulgarian Historical Museum which houses a collection of masterpieces from different periods, all created by local
artists
. Visitors, whether local or foreign, can admire these works to gain a deeper understanding of Bulgarian history.
However
, the limitation is not always beneficial, if there are only the same local artworks,
people
 can lose their open minds.
In addition
 by avoiding other
countrie's
Change noun form
countries'
show examples
art
 culture
people
 can face cultural shock once they become
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
closer to them.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 by understanding other
nations
Change noun form
nations'
nation's
show examples
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
, culture, education and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
horizons
people
 can learn to respect much more each other. In conclusion, I think native
artists
 whose work can show
history
Correct article usage
the history
show examples
 and the tradition of
the nations tradition
Change to a genitive case
the tradition of the nation
the nation's tradition
show examples
, but
art
 created by
artists
 from other countries can
also
 have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 impact on society.
Therefore
, museums and galleries should give equal value and importance to both types of
art
 to achieve different educational purposes.
Submitted by yuzgeademova2001 on

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Introduction Enhancement
Try to provide a more detailed introduction, clearly stating your position on the topic.
Argument Support
Include examples or evidence to support the arguments made in your essay for a stronger impact.
Paragraph Development
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is fully developed.
Sentence Variety
Consider varying your sentence structures to demonstrate language flexibility and proficiency.
Thesis Statement
You have a clear thesis statement that sets the direction of your essay.
Cohesion
You effectively use linking words to maintain coherence and cohesion throughout your essay.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarises your essay's arguments, reinforcing your stance on the matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural Heritage
  • Regional Culture
  • Economic Benefits
  • Local Talent
  • Authentic Local Art
  • Diverse Perspectives
  • Mutual Understanding
  • Balanced Approach
  • Cultural Exchange
  • Artistic Styles
  • Innovations
  • Global Reputation
  • Exhibitions
  • Preservation
  • Promotion
  • Unique Aspects
  • Educational Experience
  • Mutual Understanding
  • Tolerance
  • Stimulating the Economy
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