IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals.

#people #zoos #animals
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In
conclusion
, despite the
fact
 that
both
approaches
 have some
legitimacy
, it appears that to contribute to worldwide
improvement
, our human
society
 must
advance
 its
information
 and produce modern
inquiry
enterprises
.
Hence
, we must reliably inquire about
vegetation
 and
fauna
. In
conclusion
, despite the
fact
 that
both
approaches
 have some
legitimacy
, it appears that to contribute to worldwide
improvement
, our human
society
 must
advance
 its
information
 and produce modern
inquiry
enterprises
.
Hence
, we must reliably inquire about
vegetation
 and
fauna
. In
conclusion
, despite the
fact
 that
both
approaches
 have some
legitimacy
, it appears that to contribute to worldwide
improvement
, our human
society
 must
advance
 its
information
 and produce modern
inquiry
enterprises
.
Hence
, we must reliably inquire about
vegetation
 and
fauna
. In
conclusion
, despite the
fact
 that
both
approaches
 have some
legitimacy
, it appears that to contribute to worldwide
improvement
, our human
society
 must
advance
 its
information
 and produce modern
inquiry
enterprises
.
Hence
, we must reliably inquire about
vegetation
 and
fauna
. In
conclusion
, despite the
fact
 that
both
approaches
 have some
legitimacy
, it appears that to contribute to worldwide
improvement
, our human
society
 must
advance
 its
information
 and produce modern
inquiry
enterprises
.
Hence
, we must reliably inquire about
vegetation
 and
fauna
. In
conclusion
, despite the
fact
 that
both
approaches
 have some
legitimacy
, it appears that to contribute to worldwide
improvement
, our human
society
 must
advance
 its
information
 and produce modern
inquiry
enterprises
.
Hence
, we must reliably inquire about
vegetation
 and
fauna
.
Submitted by salvador.esquivel.d on

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structure
The essay lacks a clear introduction, body, and conclusion structure that articulates the specific topic of zoos' role in animal protection versus cruelty. Try to organize your essay with a clear introduction that outlines your argument, followed by body paragraphs that provide specific examples and reasons, and conclude with a summary or final thought on your stance.
detail
Provide specific examples and details to support your arguments. Your essay should include evidence or examples that demonstrate why zoos might be considered cruel or beneficial for the protection of wild animals.
relevance
Ensure your essay directly addresses the statement/question posed. Your essay should clearly choose a stance (either in support of, against, or a nuanced view of zoos) and provide arguments and evidence pertinent to that stance.
commitment
Your repeated emphasis on the importance of inquiry and information showcases a commitment to a principled argument, though it needs to be directly related to the topic of zoos.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • conservation
  • captive breeding
  • habitat
  • ethical issues
  • zoochosis
  • endangered species
  • genetic diversity
  • reintroduction programs
  • wildlife education
  • sanctuary
  • natural living conditions
  • artificial environments
  • behavioral enrichment
  • ecosystem
What to do next:
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