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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think educated people more valuable than people who learned skills through experience Do you think educated people are most valuable for societ? What kind of skill can people learn through experience that can benefit society?

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In
this
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 modern world, there is a common notion that education enhances
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the skill
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skill
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skills
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 of the population.
However
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,
skills
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 can
also
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 be gained through
experience
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.
This
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 causes a huge debate
whether
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about whether
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 educated
folks
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 are
valuable
Correct quantifier usage
more valuable
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 than the
one
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ones
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 with
experience
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.
However
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, I believe both these
people
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 are important, as each one brings their own advantages to
society
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.
Firstly
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, educated
people
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 are valuable because they think big and
creates
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create
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ground breaking
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groundbreaking
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 innovations.
For example
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, some of the
great
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greatest
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 scientists the world has ever seen, like Albert Einstein, Edison etc, were all
well educated
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well-educated
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folks
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. These studies helped them to think beyond the ordinary realm and
hence
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, it has resulted in many innovations, which benefited
our
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apply
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mankind vastly.
Secondly
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,
well studied
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well-studied
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folks
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 can able to leverage their knowledge and use it for the betterment of their
society
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.
For instance
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, they can teach the
under-previliged
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underprivileged
 communities to utilize their skill sets.
Subsequently
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, the
people
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 from
community
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the community
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 can grow & self-sustain with the knowledge they
learnt
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 from them.
On the other hand
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,
skills
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learnt
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 through
experience
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is
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are
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 important for
the
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apply
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human welfare as well. Many
skills
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 like social & public speaking
skills
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 can be
learnt
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 through
experience
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.
This
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 can help in the evolution of a great leader.
For instance
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, great leaders like Winston Churchill
learnt
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 the art of public speaking through regular
practise
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practice
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.
Moreover
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, these days with the help of
computer
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computers
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, interested
folks
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 can learn complex programming by pure dedication & gaining
experience
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.
Hence
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, nowadays the scope of learning through
experience
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 is plenty, which can directly support
society
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 in many ways. So
to conclude
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, both educated and experienced
people
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 are much needed for
society
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. A person can be educated in a certain field, but the growth mindset to learn new concepts through
experience
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,
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apply
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 would certainly take that individual to a higher strata of
society
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.

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task response
Ensure a balanced view on the topic by discussing both sides equally, and perhaps more explicitly explore the synergy between education and experience.
coherence & cohesion
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and transitioning phrases to enhance the flow between ideas.
development & examples
To further improve, you may want to delve deeper into the implications or outcomes of the examples provided, linking them back to society as a whole.
examples
Excellent use of specific examples, such as Albert Einstein and Winston Churchill, to support your arguments.
structure
Good job in maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion that ties everything together.
conclusion
Effective conclusion that brings your arguments full circle, reinforcing the idea that both educated and experienced individuals contribute significantly to society.
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