IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

the chart below shows that Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. the table shows the salaries of the Anthropologist in work after five years

the chart below shows that Anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. the table shows the salaries of the Anthropologist in work after five years
#anthropology #graduates #university #course #salaries #anthropologist #work #five #years
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie chart illustrates what anthropology
graduates
Use synonyms
 in one university did after finishing their
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
 degree, categorized by six distinct
destination
Change to a plural noun
destinations
show examples
 and measured in percentage. Meanwhile, the table gives information about the four
Fix the agreement mistake
ranges
show examples
range
Fix the agreement mistake
ranges
show examples
 of money they would receive after working more than 5 years based on three different
type
Change to a plural noun
types
show examples
 of employment.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of
graduates
Use synonyms
 would end up as a full-time worker.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, half of
Use synonyms
graduates
Add an article
the graduates
show examples
, who had worked in the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 sector for more than five
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
, would receive
income
Correct article usage
an income
show examples
more
Change preposition
of more
show examples
 than $100.000, the highest earnings among the categories. More than 50% of
graduates
Use synonyms
chosed
Correct your spelling
choose
chosen
chose
 to be a full-time employer. Part-time
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 ranked the second place
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 15%, followed by unemployed in third place, with 12%. The rest, namely full-time postgrad
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
, unknown, and both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
part-time
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 and postgrad
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 were below 10%, which were 8%, 8%, and 5%, respectively. About 10% of
privat
Correct your spelling
private
Use synonyms
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 earned more money in the first category ($25.000-49.999) than the other groups.
Similary
Correct your spelling
Similarly
,
this
Linking Words
 pattern
also
Linking Words
 happened in
second
Add an article
the second
show examples
 group ($50.000-74.999) with 35% for
privat
Correct your spelling
private
Use synonyms
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 and 15% for
other group
Change the wording
another group
other groups
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the rest of the range displayed different situations, since freelance
consultant
Fix the agreement mistake
consultants
show examples
 and government
Use synonyms
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 surpassed the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
privat
Correct your spelling
private
Use synonyms
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
. The former ranked the first
positition
Correct your spelling
position
 in
third
Add an article
the third
show examples
 category ($75.000-99.999) and the latter
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first place in
fourth
Correct article usage
the fourth
show examples
 category ($100.000-above) at 50%.
Submitted by msdedew10 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words graduates, employee with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: