Many cities have installed cameras in public places in order to reduce crime. However, some people think that those cameras restrict our privacy. Do you think the advantages of this system outweigh the disadvantages?
Recently there has been a claim about the installation of
cameras
in specific spots such
as parks playgrounds, supermarkets, and other local areas. Some people believe this
will aid in providing safety while
others argued
it will invade Wrong verb form
argue
the
people's privacy. In Correct article usage
apply
this
essay
I am going to discuss both the cones and the pros of Add a comma
essay,
this
issue.
On the one hand, The construction of these devices had
helped a lot in Wrong verb form
has
the
Correct article usage
apply
term
of safety and evidence gathering. Fix the agreement mistake
terms
For
example
news Add a comma
example,
have
shown a decline in the percentage of robbery and illegal acts in malls, streets Correct subject-verb agreement
has
as well as
in universities
campuses after the application of these Change the noun form
university
cameras
. Furthermore
, this
monitoring Correct determiner usage
these
cameras
assist in detecting information also
evidences
Correct subject-verb agreement
evidence
about
any misdeed Change preposition
of
behavior
that may occur in citizen places. People now feel less worried when they miss a personal thing Change the spelling
behaviour
such
as smartphone
, a bag or a wallet in social places they can ask the Correct article usage
a smartphone
authority
to reveal the documented record in that known spot Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
then
discover who took their belongings.
Correct word choice
and then
On the other hand
, The installation of these detecting tools has Correct article usage
an asycological
asycological
effect on our privacy. Individuals feel constantly monitored Correct your spelling
psychological
in addition
to, feeling of
discomfort as someone always is watching them. Change preposition
apply
Moreover
, citizens will no longer have the freedom to have a peaceful and quiet mind in the mentioned places as their personal space would be altered for the reason of securing their presence.
In conclusion, I would argue that the benefits of putting cameras
in many cities reflecting
Wrong verb form
reflect
high
sense of responsibility and it Add an article
a high
the high
is outweigh
the drawbacks of being watched all the time.Change the verb form
outweighs
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structure
You've done well in structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, maintaining a logical flow. However, be mindful of the clarity and preciseness of your introduction and conclusion to further enhance understanding.
linkages
Try to incorporate a range of linking phrases and make sure paragraphs flow smoothly from one idea to the next. This can elevate the cohesion of your text.
examples
Work on providing more detailed examples to support your points. Specific examples make your argument stronger and more convincing.
grammar
Pay attention to minor syntactical and grammatical errors to improve the overall readability and professionalism of your writing.
balance
Your balanced discussion on both advantages and disadvantages provided a comprehensive view on the topic.
examples
The real-world examples given helped in demonstrating your points, making your arguments relatable.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.