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Band 5

Many cities have installed cameras in public places in order to reduce crime. However, some people think that those cameras restrict our privacy. Do you think the advantages of this system outweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #cameras #places #crime #people #privacy #system
Recently there has been a claim about the installation of
cameras
 in specific spots
such
 as parks playgrounds, supermarkets, and other local areas. Some people believe
this
 will aid in providing safety
while
 others
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 it will invade
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people's privacy. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I am going to discuss both the cones and the pros of
this
 issue. On the one hand, The construction of these devices
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 helped a lot in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of safety and evidence gathering.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 news
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 shown a decline in the percentage of robbery and illegal acts in malls, streets
as well as
 in
universities
Change the noun form
university
show examples
 campuses after the application of these
cameras
.
Furthermore
,
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 monitoring
cameras
 assist in detecting information
also
evidences
Correct subject-verb agreement
evidence
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 any misdeed
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 that may occur in citizen places. People now feel less worried when they miss a personal thing
such
 as
smartphone
Correct article usage
a smartphone
show examples
, a bag or a wallet in social places they can ask the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 to reveal the documented record in that known spot
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 discover who took their belongings.
On the other hand
, The installation of these detecting tools has
Correct article usage
an asycological
show examples
asycological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 effect on our privacy. Individuals feel constantly monitored
in addition
 to, feeling
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
discomfort as someone always is watching them.
Moreover
, citizens will no longer have the freedom to have a peaceful and quiet mind in the mentioned places as their personal space would be altered for the reason of securing their presence. In conclusion, I would argue that the benefits of putting
cameras
 in many cities
reflecting
Wrong verb form
reflect
show examples
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
 sense of responsibility and it
is outweigh
Change the verb form
outweighs
show examples
 the drawbacks of being watched all the time.
Submitted by Selfigih7 on

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structure
You've done well in structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, maintaining a logical flow. However, be mindful of the clarity and preciseness of your introduction and conclusion to further enhance understanding.
linkages
Try to incorporate a range of linking phrases and make sure paragraphs flow smoothly from one idea to the next. This can elevate the cohesion of your text.
examples
Work on providing more detailed examples to support your points. Specific examples make your argument stronger and more convincing.
grammar
Pay attention to minor syntactical and grammatical errors to improve the overall readability and professionalism of your writing.
balance
Your balanced discussion on both advantages and disadvantages provided a comprehensive view on the topic.
examples
The real-world examples given helped in demonstrating your points, making your arguments relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • surveillance
  • deterrence
  • apprehension
  • infringement
  • omnipresence
  • law enforcement
  • evidence gathering
  • privacy concerns
  • surveillance state
  • unwarranted surveillance
  • psychological impact
  • paranoia
  • crime investigation
What to do next:
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