IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Students should pay full cost for their own study, because university educatio benefits individuals rather than society. to what extent do you agree or disagree

#students #cost #study #university #educatio #individuals #society
The majority of
people
 believe that
students
 should spend their money on studying
due to
 the advantage of education at
academy
Correct article usage
the academy
show examples
better
Add a missing verb
being better
show examples
 than society.
This
 writer totally agrees with
this
 statement and the reasons will be explained below. These days, admission
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a lot of chances to go to university so they spend their money on their studies , not society,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 brings many positive changes for them.
Firstly
, if
students
 choose to go to university, they will find a sustainable job easily after leaving
academy
Add an article
the academy
show examples
. Ample evidence from a number of academic studies carried out in Viet Nam by the National University in 2020 has proven the authenticity of
this
 matter.
Secondly
, luckily for them, the education environment is an excellent environment for
students
 to widen their circle social.
For example
, peers whom they meet in the study are friendly and not difficult to share their emotions as some friends in society. On the other side, unless
students
 pay
full
Add an article
the full
show examples
 cost of studying,
students
 will not need improvement from their families for financial support because they can earn a little money after completing high school.
For instance
, a student employed in a coffee shop may have to work many months in order to purchase a new smartphone. When
people
 gain work experience,
people
 will be equipped with the knowledge to tackle the problems, they are fooled harder than some
people
. In conclusion, after carefully considering many aspects of the given issue in the topic,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 still agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
 student
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 full
Correct your spelling
cost
show examples
cos
Correct your spelling
cost
show examples
 on their own study that the advantages are more significant than the disadvantages

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task achievement
Try to provide a clearer thesis statement that outlines your position and main arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on presenting a more structured argument by having clear topic sentences that introduce each paragraph's main idea.
task achievement
Use examples to support your arguments, but ensure they are directly relevant to the topic and clearly explained.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Double-check your writing for minor inaccuracies or errors and aim to correct these for improved coherence.
task achievement
You have engaged with the topic and provided an overall opinion, which is a good start to the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes both sides of the argument, which shows an attempt to address the prompt comprehensively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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