Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Nowadays, it is apparent that the military plays an important role in protecting nations.
This
is the reason why some people argue that male adolescents should attend military service after they complete their education and Linking Words
this
practice could possibly be used with females. Personally, I disagree with Linking Words
this
statement because the country will waste their budget, and it is not Linking Words
women
's fields of occupation. In the following paragraphs, the details will be elaborated on before the conclusion is reached.
On the one hand, Use synonyms
although
having young Linking Words
men
join the military services can ensure that the nation will have someone ready to protect it, it is not completely a powerful military. Since people are obligated to attend, they will not be fully dedicated to training, and Use synonyms
this
can be the culprit behind the weakness of the military. Linking Words
Moreover
, without willingness, they will soon leave the service Linking Words
thereafter
. Linking Words
This
can Linking Words
be caused
a country to lose money without anything in return.
Many countries have a female soldier Wrong verb form
cause
that
serves their nation. Correct pronoun usage
who
On the other hand
, Linking Words
women
are not equipped to be as strong as Use synonyms
men
. With the differences in physiology, genetics, and muscles, Use synonyms
Men
are obviously more tolerant and can easily gain more fitness levels compared to Use synonyms
women
. It can be seen from numerous sports statistics that males outperformed females in terms of strength, which is one of the required qualifications to be a soldier. In fact, it is not suitable to force Use synonyms
women
into the military.
In conclusion, opinions on imposing compulsory military service for young Use synonyms
men
after graduation may differ depending on various aspects. Use synonyms
However
, I believe that the country can ensure their security and build a strong military with intended adolescents.Linking Words
Submitted by nnatthinee on
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Task Achievement
Though your essay provides a clear position on the issue, developing your points with more specific examples and explanations would enhance the argument. Try to incorporate real-world instances or data to substantiate your claims, adding depth to your discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. However, to further improve coherence, you might consider linking sentences and paragraphs more seamlessly. Using a variety of linking words and ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly into the next can enhance readability and cohesion.
Task Achievement
While the ideas presented oppose compulsory military service effectively, including perspectives or counterarguments for a more balanced view could provide a more nuanced argument. This approach allows for a deeper exploration of the topic.
Task Achievement
The essay has a clear thesis statement which outlines your position effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have successfully used paragraphs to organize different aspects of your argument, aiding the essay's overall structure.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.