In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of advertisements that try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys, and other goods. Some people claim this is unfair as parents feel under pressure to buy these kinds of things for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many people say that it is not fair for
parents
worlwide
to deal with Correct your spelling
worldwide
such
a huge amount of stress caused by their children
due to
the rise of ads encouraging children
to buy their products. I strongly agree with this
because of parent's
longer working hours and the strain between family members.
Correct article usage
the parent's
Firstly
, many parents
have to work overtime in order to improve the
income. It is obvious that every Change the word
their
parents
Change to a singular noun
parent
want
the best to happen to their Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
children
so that
they always prepare to pay for whatever their Correct word choice
apply
children
need. However
, if only Wrong verb form
relying
rely
on the normal wage, Wrong verb form
relying
parents
will not be able to afford different aspects Change preposition
of
in
life. Because of Change preposition
of
this
situation, they have no choice but to work more which will take away their resting time. For example
, since Vietnamese parents
have unconditional love toward their chidren
, they tend to work long hours to raise their budget Correct your spelling
children
but
resulting in stress.
Correct word choice
apply
Secondly
, the extension of the gap between the youngsters and the adults in family
must Add an article
the family
also
be considered. To be more specific, these kind
of advertisements can Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
spoiled
Wrong verb form
spoil
children
, forcing them to have their parents
purchasing
the products. Wrong verb form
purchase
However
, if the parents
do not fulfil their children
's commands, children
will perform not only misbehaviors but also
negative thinking toward their parents
such
as screaming, shouting and hate
Wrong verb form
hating
that
requires Correct pronoun usage
apply
parents
to solve these arguments. For instance
, American parents
experienced significant pressure because they have
to comfort their Wrong verb form
had
children
regularly as a result
of those persuading ads.
In conclusion, the new ads can make parents
suffer from anxiety in term
of working long hours and dealing with conflicts among the young and the old. Fix the agreement mistake
terms
Hence
, this
essay has given clear points to demonstrate the author's agreement toward
the statement of parent's unfairness created by stress from their Change preposition
with
children
.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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Development of Examples
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Accuracy of Language
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and typos ("chidren" should be "children", "spoiled children" perhaps meant "spoil children"). Despite these, your overall meaning is clear, but refining these details would polish your essay further.
Language Use
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Structure
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Task Response
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Paragraph Organization
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