Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In
this
current world, some people believe that sharing much
information
about academic things, business, and science
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
a good thing to do,
while
others think
otherwise
. From my perspective, there are truths for both of the views. The following paragraphs will clarify my stance.
Firstly
, some individuals agree that sharing data on education, corporations, and research is a wise idea.
This
open
information
will lead to greater
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
because the more people know, the more they gain knowledge.
For example
, there is an open-source website on the internet that allows society to learn multiple skills, like knitting, breeding, carving, and plumbing. By learning from
this
source, people will be more skilled in everything mentioned before. These humans will benefit from that.
Therefore
, sharing
information
is a great thing.
Secondly
,
however
, some
information
was too valuable to be shared without any compensation, regarding how much money
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has been involved in collecting the data.
Furthermore
,
this
activity has
also
demanded much effort from the actors.
For instance
, when Covid-19 viruses spread all over the world, some laboratories conducted various experiments to solve these problems. These
researches
Correct your spelling
researchers
show examples
spent a huge amount of funding and a lot of hard
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. When the result came out in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
form of
vaccine
Add an article
the vaccine
a vaccine
show examples
, it was sold
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
an expensive price. It was fair enough to pay back those involved in the experiments.
Thus
, it was understandable that some data could not be shared freely.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
balance, since sharing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free
information
is a good thing to do and paying for the
information
is
also
fair enough, it is hard for me to draw a conclusion,
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
I support the idea or not.
Submitted by mayaanita.studi on

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task achievement
Try to explicitly state your own opinion in the conclusion, making it clear where you stand on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the clarity of your essay by using varied linking words and clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
language
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to convey your points more forcefully and to avoid repetition.
task achievement
You have effectively discussed both views on the topic, providing a balanced analysis.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay allows for easy following, aiding reader comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets up the essay topic and structure well, preparing the reader for what follows.
task achievement
Including specific examples, like the reference to open-source websites and COVID-19 vaccines, strengthens your arguments and provides clear support for your points.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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