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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Student should pay full cost for their own study because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#student #cost #study #university #education #individuals #society
Nowadays, many people claim that
learners
 should pay full money for their own research of getting from the government because it causes
students
 benefits rather than the public.
This
 writer put more disagrees with
this
 statement and will elucidate
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 the following essays.
Scholarships
 can be given to poor
learners
 who are not good at finance,
this
 method
also
 distinguishes among
plooder
Correct your spelling
poor
students
.
Learners
 will attempt to get
this
 kind of donation by restricting themselves more frequently during the research,
this
also
 shows that the quality of education will be improved. Universities in the USA provide their
learners
 with a wide range of
scholarships
 encouraging people to do their best through social activities in order to support for
application
Add an article
the application
show examples
 process.
Consequently
, giving
scholarships
 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
necessary work, providing opportunities for more researchers in education.
On the other hand
, many
learners
 choose to work for another place
instead
 of their own country after getting the authority's donation.
This
 means that
students
 have the
change
Correct your spelling
chance
show examples
 to study and work in foreign places and
then
 contribute to their country and
this
 statement makes a wide range of criticism. The trend among high school student is
try
Fix the infinitive
to try
show examples
 to go abroad and spend their time on study universities.The amount of exchange
students
 has shown that half of them are working worldwide in order to have a higher salary than in their own country.
To sum up
, giving learner
scholarships
 provides a wide range of environments for
students
 to have more opportunities for their research. On account of the higher quality of education and improved society.
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task achievement
Begin with a clear introduction that directly addresses the question and outlines your stance. This helps in clarifying your position from the outset.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay's conclusion is strong and clearly summarizes your views and the reasons for them, contributing to a more complete response.
coherence cohesion
Work on the clarity and precision of your argument by avoiding overly complicated sentences and checking for grammatical errors. This will help in making your ideas more comprehensible.
coherence cohesion
Use more cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, however, in contrast) to improve the flow of your essay and to better link your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a thorough exploration of the topic with supported main points.
task achievement
You've used some relevant examples and specific details to support your arguments, which enhances your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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