IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts show the amount of money that a Kazakh charity organization spent and received in 2019. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts show the amount of money that a Kazakh charity organization spent and received in 2019. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #amount #money #kazakh #charity #organization #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The two pie charts provide the statistics of the
revenue
Use synonyms
 sources and expenditures in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one year, 2016 of a USA charity .
Overall
Linking Words
 the highest portion for
recieving
Correct your spelling
receiving
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 of money
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 from donated food where
as
Change preposition
whereas
show examples
 the dominant amount from expenditures
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 from program services . To get
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
details
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
revenue
Use synonyms
 the largest source to
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 money was from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
donated food for 86.6%
while
Linking Words
 the expenditures
where
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
 program services for 95.8%.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 the amounts of the
revenue
Use synonyms
 are community contribution , program
revenue
Use synonyms
 , investment income , government grants , and other incomes are 10.4% , 2.2%, 0.2%,0.2% and 0.4% respectively with no considerable portions
while
Linking Words
 the smallest number of payments are from fundraising and management and general for 2.6% and 1.6% for each.
Submitted by sohad_saad2005 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words revenue with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: