some people say that money is a best gift to give it to teenagers. some disagree with it. discuss both views and give your opinion?

In
contemorary
Correct your spelling
contemporary
discourse, there
exist
Change the verb form
exists
show examples
a viewpoint asserting that
Correct article usage
the monetory
show examples
monetory
Correct your spelling
monetary
present is the ideal thing to appreciate high school folks.
However
, a section of society vehemently
disagree
Change the verb form
disagrees
show examples
with
this
perscpective
Correct your spelling
perspective
as they believe
this
can have potential negative
consequesces
Correct your spelling
consequences
and I personally hold the same belief. Both sides will be carefully analysed before constructing inference. There are abundant causative factors which
reveals
Change the verb form
reveal
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why giving cash or coins to young
students
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
not advisable.
Firstly
, Teenage is a quite young age when a person is not enough mature to make the decision of how to utilize their
money
in a productive way. To explain
further
, there are higher
possibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
possibility
show examples
that
immatured
Correct your spelling
immature
show examples
students
waste their gifted
money
in purchasing
unneccessary sofisticated
Correct your spelling
unnecessary sophisticated
items
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
show off which their parents might not allow them to either. On top of that, it has been seen that certain
students
who are
addictive
Replace the word
addicted
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
unhealthy
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can use that amount
in satisfying
Change preposition
to satisfy
show examples
those inappropriate addictions. To cite an example, a recent survey shows that 85 % of
youngesters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
who are addicted to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alcohol and drugs,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spend a huge amount of
money
in buying those stuff.
Secondly
, Giving
money
as a present brings a sense of greediness among
students
that
produce
Correct subject-verb agreement
produces
show examples
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
their upbringing.
For instance
, a recent psychological study stated that there is a strong correlation between
giveng
Correct your spelling
giving
monetary gifts and a feeling of greediness
amomg
Correct your spelling
among
teenagers
. Talking about
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another aspect, some folks opine that rather than giving items that may not liked by
Add an article
the
show examples
young generation,
money
is the most
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
way which
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
them able to purchase their desired objects.
Additionally
, it
also
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
it easier for the people who have a great confusion in buying gifts for
teenagers
.
For example
, a majority of grandparents find difficulty in buying
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gifts for their
grand kids
Correct your spelling
grandkids
show examples
because of physical inactivity and confusion in
Add an article
the choice
a choice
show examples
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
that meets
youngerters'
Correct your spelling
youngsters'
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
show examples
. In that case, giving
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
money
is the best option. After analysing both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views, I strongly believe that
althogh
Correct your spelling
although
giving
money
as a present can be
convenient
Add an article
a convenient
the convenient
show examples
mode for
geriatric
Add an article
the geriatric
show examples
community, there are ample negative
consequencies
Correct your spelling
consequences
among
teenagers
by
Correct article usage
the inapproprite
show examples
inapproprite
Correct your spelling
inappropriate
usage of that
money
.
Thus
, individuals should emphasize
alternaives
Correct your spelling
alternatives
alternative
gift options
such
as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sending a useful learning book or any stationary item to appreciate
teenagers
.
Submitted by margijoshi19 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure & Flow
Consider structuring your essay more clearly by having distinct paragraphs for each main point, and use transitions to improve flow between ideas.
Content Expansion
Be mindful of repeating the same ideas; try to expand your argument with varied points or perspectives to enhance task response.
Sentence Variety
Work on sentence structure and vary your sentence beginnings to make your writing more engaging.
Grammar & Spelling
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors to improve the overall readability of your essay.
Relevance of Examples
Present examples that are more directly aligned with your arguments to strengthen your examples' relevance.
Task Engagement
You have effectively engaged with the topic and presented both views as well as your own opinion, demonstrating a good grasp of the task requirements.
Introduction & Conclusion Presence
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, providing a good framework for your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal age
  • flexibility
  • individuality
  • fostering independence
  • financial responsibility
  • sentimental value
  • thoughtfulness
  • materialistic values
  • personalized gifts
  • cherished memories
  • emotional bonds
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!