IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Shopping habits depend more on your age group than anything else. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#habits #age #group
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In
this
 essay, we are going to discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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the
relation
Replace the word
relationship
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 between
shopping
Correct article usage
the shopping
show examples
 habits of people based on their
age
 groups. How they are associated? Is there any dependency between both?
To begin
 with, we know that, irrespective of gender we all go
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shopping. Especially teenage people and the youth fall for shopping a lot. For them, it's the era of styling and fashion. Everybody likes to present themselves
attractive
Change preposition
as attractive
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.
Still
Add a comma
Still,
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 I could recall my college days,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was one of the best time
period
Change to a plural noun
periods
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, I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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tried out different outfits regularly.
Moreover
,It's a kind of passion as well.
On the other hand
, working individuals appear to be highly fashionable and
shopaholic
Fix the agreement mistake
shopaholics
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.
While
 I was working back in Bangalore, almost everyone I saw
seems
Wrong verb form
seemed
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 to be pretty much engaged in shopping irrespective of their
age
 limit. The coworkers I had there were, people who
belong
Wrong verb form
belonged
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 to
22
Correct article usage
the 22
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 to 60
age
 category.
In addition
 to that, what I
observe
Change the form of the verb
observed
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 was,
there
Correct word choice
that there
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 is a clear dependency between one's income and their shopping habits. A person who does a
high paying
Add a hyphen
high-paying
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 job seems to be more shopaholic than one who earns a basic income.
To conclude
,
Change preposition
to the
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 certain extent it is true that, shopping habits depend more on your
age
 group than anything else. But at the same time, I believe that it's about the financial dependency that makes an individual shopaholic.
Submitted by praneeth2094 on

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Expand Topic Coverage
Ensure broader coverage of the topic by exploring more deeply how different age groups have distinct shopping habits, rather than focusing heavily on personal experiences.
Enhance Vocabulary & Sentence Structures
To strengthen the essay, incorporate a more varied range of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance readability and engagement.
Balance Discussion
Consider opposing viewpoints or counterarguments to provide a more balanced discussion. This could involve acknowledging situations where age might not be the predominant factor influencing shopping habits.
Effective Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarises your viewpoint, reinforcing your argument while acknowledging a secondary influencing factor (financial capability).
Coherent Argument
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument throughout. This coherence is a key strength.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preferences
  • financial capacities
  • technological savviness
  • online platforms
  • traditional in-store shopping
  • marketing and advertising
  • susceptible to trends
  • generational values
  • environmental awareness
  • sustainable and ethical shopping
  • value for money
  • product longevity
  • cultural background
  • income levels
  • personal interests
What to do next:
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