IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think celebrities are good role models. Others believe they set a bad example.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays,
celebrities
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 have a big influence on
people
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's lives, especially young
people
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. Some think famous
people
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 are good examples to follow,
while
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 others believe they often behave badly. Both views have good points, but I think it depends on the celebrity. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, many
celebrities
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 can be positive role models. Some famous
people
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 work very hard to achieve success, which teaches young
people
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 the value of effort.
For example
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, basketball player LeBron James came from a poor family but became successful through hard work. Other
celebrities
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 use their fame to help society. Actor Leonardo DiCaprio works to protect the environment, and singer Taylor Swift often donates money to good causes. These actions can inspire fans to do good things
too
Punctuation problem
, too
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.
On the other hand
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, some
celebrities
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 behave in ways that set bad examples. Many famous
people
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 show off their expensive lifestyles on social media, which can make young
people
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 care too much about money. Some
celebrities
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 get into trouble with drugs or alcohol, like singer Justin Bieber did when he was younger. When young fans see
this
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
, they might think it's normal or even cool to act
this
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 way.
Also
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, many
celebrities
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 promote unrealistic beauty standards that can make
people
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 feel bad about themselves. In my opinion, not all
celebrities
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 are good or bad role models. Parents and teachers should help young
people
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 understand that
celebrities
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 are just normal
people
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 who sometimes make mistakes. Young fans should learn to admire the good things
celebrities
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 do, like working hard or helping others, but not copy their bad
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
. The media should
also
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 focus more on
celebrities
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 who do positive things rather than those who behave badly. In conclusion,
while
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 some
celebrities
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 can be good examples, others set poor ones. It's important for young
people
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 to choose wisely which
celebrities
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 to admire and to remember that real role models can be found in everyday life too, like parents or teachers.

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task achievement
Make sure each point is fully explained and connected to your main idea.
coherence
Use linking words to make your ideas flow better, such as 'firstly', 'however', and 'in addition'.
coherence
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas to make your essay more interesting.
coherence
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, main points, and conclusion.
task achievement
You provided good examples to support your ideas, like LeBron James and Taylor Swift.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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