IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Advertising is becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development?

#life #development
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It is controversial whether
adverstising
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advertising
bring
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brings
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a
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apply
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positive or negative feedback as it become more common in everyday life. The reason why I believe that advertising can be beneficial will be elaborated on in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, it may
seems
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seem
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 sensible for some to think that commercial
ads
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 affect
on
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apply
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the rise of unnecessary purchases.
This
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 is
possibly
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possible
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 because those contents
generally
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are generally
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 publicized and replayed as much as possible in order to
presenting
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present
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 the product which seems
asif
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as if
 it
hyponotizing
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hypnotizing
 the customers to buy their
products
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. Take
youtube
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YouTube
show examples
,
For example
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: there
always
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are always
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an
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ads
an ad
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ads
Use synonyms
 popping
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while
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up while
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 the video
was
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is
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 playing or
at the end
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 showing
variety
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a variety
the variety
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 of
products
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 you have
ever
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never
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 imagined.
Moreover
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, there is
an
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apply
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evident show
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evidence showing
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 that a large number of people purchase
item
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items
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they
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apply
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due to
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 the exposure of adverts from several
networks site
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network sites
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 in which they are not essential. Many
opponent
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opponents
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 of
this
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 idea might opposed
that
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to
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 its pros, especially in terms of competition among the manufacturers. To simply explain, advertisement is a major means of selling
products
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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customers. The more appealing
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ads
Correct article usage
the ads
show examples
 it is, the better the sales of its product.
However
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, I personally argue in favour of its benefits seeing that advertisement
as
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is
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a creative ways
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a creative way
creative ways
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 of raising social awareness yet indirectly
introduced
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introducing
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 its product. In
this
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 respect, a debatable issue
such
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 as beauty standards or
decentralized
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the decentralisation
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 of family members can be a difficult topic to discuss.
However
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, the
ads
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 can convey the message that both
rising
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raising
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 awareness and
as well as
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 introducing its goods is brilliant. In conclusion,
although
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 it is undeniable that advertisement may somewhat induce
client
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clients
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 to overconsume the
products
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 by using its repetitive and unique jingle, they
also
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 a creative ways of raising awareness of the
socie
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society
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 in order to
bring
Verb problem
make
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 world a better place.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Grammar/Spelling
Be cautious of spelling and grammatical errors ('adverstising' should be 'advertising', 'asif' should be 'as if', 'hyponotizing' should be 'hypnotizing', 'youtube' should be capitalized as 'YouTube'). These small inaccuracies can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Specific Examples
When presenting examples, ensure they directly support your argument. For instance, discussing the impact of YouTube ads could be strengthened by connecting how this leads to increased consumerism or awareness.
Sentence Variation
Include more varied sentence structures and transitional phrases to enhance the flow of your essay. This will help in achieving a higher score in coherence and cohesion.
Paragraph Organization
Consider providing clearer topic sentences that directly state the main argument of each paragraph. This approach helps readers understand your key points right away.
Balanced Argument
You provide a well-balanced view by discussing both the potential negative and positive impacts of advertising, which is good for a complete response to the task.
Effective Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, reinforcing your stance on the topic.
Real-life Examples
Using real-life examples, like YouTube advertisements, makes your essay relatable and strengthens your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote
  • economic growth
  • provide information
  • awareness
  • job opportunities
  • manipulative
  • misleading
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • invade
  • personal space
What to do next:
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