Some people believe that hard word is more important than talent. Do you agree or disagree?
There is an intense debate about the validity of
non_academic
Correct your spelling
nonacademic
education
today. However
,lots of individuals think that material related to the hand jobs
like arts and mechanics should be omitted from the kindergartens
schedule Change to a genitive case
kindergarten's
kindergartens'
as well as
kids must focus on formal subjects.so, l believe in the latter view because l think that the next years will depend on non ordinary
Add a hyphen
non-ordinary
jobs
.
On one hand, the people who are admired by the first idea , argue that the
academic Correct article usage
apply
education
Will secure the future of children. Those younger after graduated
have Wrong verb form
graduating
able
to find Add a missing verb
been able
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
fit
Correct pronoun usage
that fit
his
qualifications, Correct pronoun usage
their
in addition
, many of them also
have ability
for Add an article
the ability
his
own Correct pronoun usage
their
project
. Fix the agreement mistake
projects
Secondly
, conventional learning has
widely accepted in Verb problem
is
the
society, Correct article usage
apply
for instance
, adults who were
not attending schools might be not Wrong verb form
are
welcoming
in our lives. So , Change the form of the verb
welcome
this
group has a deep faith in this
idea.
On the other hand
, many scholars go beyond that the creative items has
a great significance. Change the verb form
have
Firstly
, the next generation may be not dependent on formal education
, for
example
many Add the comma(s)
example,
of
students today show there Change preposition
apply
are
not desirable Correct subject-verb agreement
is
in organise
study. Change preposition
to organised
Furthermore
, today there are not a lot of
professional chances Change preposition
apply
as well as
past
. Recently, we witnessed more and more free Correct article usage
the past
jobs
and people rely on untraditional income. For example
, more person
exploit Fix the agreement mistake
people
his
gifts and present content in various social media applications and earn money from it .
To Correct pronoun usage
their
summary
, the debate about the Replace the word
summarise
non ordinary
Add a hyphen
non-ordinary
education
still continuing.while
categories of society invoked that the additional duties should not include
in Wrong verb form
be included
the
formal Correct article usage
apply
education
others has
insight that the other subjects Change the verb form
have
has
Verb problem
are
Add an article
the necessity
a necessity
necessity
for kids. So , l completely Replace the word
necessary
bileve
in the second view because the future is extremely Correct your spelling
believe
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
in
free Change preposition
on
jobs
and left traditional jobs
.
Question for Task 2 Public IELTS descriptors Your performance Model answerSubmitted by mohammedelhassan811 on
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Organization
Try to organize your essay more clearly with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. This helps in creating a logical structure that is easy to follow.
Introduction
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic. This sets a clear direction for your essay.
Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This enhances the cohesion of your essay.
Grammar
Be careful with grammar and spelling to reduce inaccuracies. Regular practice and proofreading can significantly improve this aspect.
Examples
Incorporate specific examples to support your arguments. This makes your essay more convincing and relevant to the topic.
Content
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the debate, which enriches your essay's content.
Idea Generation
Your essay includes a variety of ideas, which demonstrates your ability to think critically about the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example