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Band 4.5

Some people believe that hard word is more important than talent. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #word #talent
There is an intense debate about the validity of
non_academic
Correct your spelling
nonacademic
education
 today.
However
,lots of individuals think that material related to the hand
jobs
 like arts and mechanics should be omitted from the
kindergartens
Change to a genitive case
kindergarten's
kindergartens'
show examples
 schedule
as well as
 kids must focus on formal subjects.so, l believe in the latter view because l think that the next years will depend on
non ordinary
Add a hyphen
non-ordinary
show examples
jobs
. On one hand, the people who are admired by the first idea , argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
academic
education
 Will secure the future of children. Those younger after
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduating
show examples
 have
able
Add a missing verb
been able
show examples
 to find
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
fit
Correct pronoun usage
that fit
show examples
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 qualifications,
in addition
, many of them
also
 have
ability
Add an article
the ability
show examples
 for
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
show examples
.
Secondly
, conventional learning
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 widely accepted in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society,
for instance
, adults who
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 not attending schools might be not
welcoming
Change the form of the verb
welcome
show examples
 in our lives. So ,
this
 group has a deep faith in
this
 idea.
On the other hand
, many scholars go beyond that the creative items
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a great significance.
Firstly
, the next generation may be not dependent on formal
education
,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students today show there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not desirable
in organise
Change preposition
to organised
show examples
 study.
Furthermore
, today there are not a lot
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
professional chances
as well as
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 . Recently, we witnessed more and more free
jobs
 and people rely on untraditional income.
For example
, more
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 exploit
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 gifts and present content in various social media applications and earn money from it . To
summary
Replace the word
summarise
show examples
, the debate about the
non ordinary
Add a hyphen
non-ordinary
show examples
education
 still continuing.
while
 categories of society invoked that the additional duties should not
include
Wrong verb form
be included
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
formal
education
 others
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 insight that the other subjects
has
Verb problem
are
show examples
Add an article
the necessity
a necessity
show examples
necessity
Replace the word
necessary
show examples
 for kids. So , l completely
bileve
Correct your spelling
believe
 in the second view because the future is extremely
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 free
jobs
 and left traditional
jobs
. Question for Task 2 Public IELTS descriptors Your performance Model answer
Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on

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Organization
Try to organize your essay more clearly with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. This helps in creating a logical structure that is easy to follow.
Introduction
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic. This sets a clear direction for your essay.
Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This enhances the cohesion of your essay.
Grammar
Be careful with grammar and spelling to reduce inaccuracies. Regular practice and proofreading can significantly improve this aspect.
Examples
Incorporate specific examples to support your arguments. This makes your essay more convincing and relevant to the topic.
Content
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the debate, which enriches your essay's content.
Idea Generation
Your essay includes a variety of ideas, which demonstrates your ability to think critically about the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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