IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some countries have free health services. However, some people feel that those who live unhealthy lifestyles should not receive free healthcare. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

#countries #health #services #people #lifestyles #healthcare
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It is asserted by some
people
 that individuals with unhealthy
lifestyles
 should be banned from free health services in some
countries
 where the
healthcare
system
 is free for all citizens. I disagree with
this
 idea because
people
 with bad
lifestyles
 include taxpayers like other
people
 and
this
 decision is a clear example of discrimination in society. A vast majority of
people
, whether rich or not, pay a variety of taxes, depending on the
countries
' tax systems in many
countries
. Undoubtedly, their taxes include
healthcare
 insurance and the government should cover their health expenses. If the governments want to break the health insurance of
people
 with high-risk
lifestyles
, they should not pay anything for
healthcare
 as a tax.
Thus
, free access to the
healthcare
system
 is their right it should not be banned.
In addition
, depriving
people
 of their obvious rights is a kind of injustice. All citizens of a country with free
healthcare
, have the equal right to use the
healthcare
system
, regardless of the quality of their lifestyle. It is obvious that fat
people
 or someone with high cholesterol need more in the
healthcare
system
, in comparison to those who have a healthy lifestyle, do regular exercise, and keep fit. Discrimination between different
lifestyles
 could make the condition of unhealthy
people
 worse and it is against the primary purpose of free access to the
healthcare
system
. In conclusion,
while
 some argue that governments in
countries
 with free
healthcare
 systems should decrease or even cut the accessibility to free
healthcare
 systems, I believe that
this
 decision is against the basic taxing rules and creates huge discrimination among
people
 in society.
Submitted by hesam.kord.f on

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examples
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sentence variety
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance the complexity and flow of your writing.
structure
You have effectively structured your essay with a clear introduction, comprehensive body paragraphs, and a strong conclusion.
task response
Your essay presents a clear and consistent argument throughout, staying on topic and addressing the prompt directly.
cohesion
The use of paragraphing to segment your ideas helps in achieving good coherence and cohesion.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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