IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some countries have free health services. However, some people feel that those who live unhealthy lifestyles should not receive free healthcare. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

#countries #health #services #people #lifestyles #healthcare
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It is asserted by some
people
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 that individuals with unhealthy
lifestyles
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 should be banned from free health services in some
countries
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 where the
healthcare
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system
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 is free for all citizens. I disagree with
this
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 idea because
people
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 with bad
lifestyles
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 include taxpayers like other
people
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 and
this
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 decision is a clear example of discrimination in society. A vast majority of
people
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, whether rich or not, pay a variety of taxes, depending on the
countries
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' tax systems in many
countries
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. Undoubtedly, their taxes include
healthcare
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 insurance and the government should cover their health expenses. If the governments want to break the health insurance of
people
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 with high-risk
lifestyles
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, they should not pay anything for
healthcare
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 as a tax.
Thus
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, free access to the
healthcare
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system
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 is their right it should not be banned.
In addition
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, depriving
people
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 of their obvious rights is a kind of injustice. All citizens of a country with free
healthcare
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, have the equal right to use the
healthcare
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system
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, regardless of the quality of their lifestyle. It is obvious that fat
people
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 or someone with high cholesterol need more in the
healthcare
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system
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, in comparison to those who have a healthy lifestyle, do regular exercise, and keep fit. Discrimination between different
lifestyles
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 could make the condition of unhealthy
people
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 worse and it is against the primary purpose of free access to the
healthcare
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system
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. In conclusion,
while
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 some argue that governments in
countries
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 with free
healthcare
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 systems should decrease or even cut the accessibility to free
healthcare
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 systems, I believe that
this
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 decision is against the basic taxing rules and creates huge discrimination among
people
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 in society.
Submitted by hesam.kord.f on

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examples
Remember to provide more concrete examples to further support your points; this makes your argument even stronger and more relatable.
sentence variety
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance the complexity and flow of your writing.
structure
You have effectively structured your essay with a clear introduction, comprehensive body paragraphs, and a strong conclusion.
task response
Your essay presents a clear and consistent argument throughout, staying on topic and addressing the prompt directly.
cohesion
The use of paragraphing to segment your ideas helps in achieving good coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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