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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

nowadays, most countries can improve the standard of living through economic development, but some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of this phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?

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Today, the pursuit of economic progress can change the flow of people's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives

It seems that life may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 positively and promote some cultural value. From my point of view,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
the
Correct article usage
apply

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economic
development
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 undeniably brings various benefits, it is
prominant
Correct your spelling
important

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to prioritize tradition. These are several advantages to boost the economic sector. Concerning the former, it creates job opportunities and improves the employment rate, leading to reducing poverty and enhancing
living
Correct article usage
the living

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 standard of residents. The rapid economic growth of China having lifted millions out of poverty through industries
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as manufacturing and tourism services is the best example
for
Change preposition
of

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this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 phenomenon. Economic growth results in increasing tax revenue which can be enacted in many public services namely healthcare, education and facility
development
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Furthermore
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, these improvements create a
subtaintial
Correct your spelling
substantial

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cycle that can lead
ton
Correct your spelling
to

The word ton doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 social
development
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, economic prioritization can sometimes adversely affect
on
Change preposition
apply

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social values. In the competition of economy, a decline in tradition and cultural heritage may occur. To cite an instance, the rise of consumerism and money in marginalized communities
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as Native American reservations in the US leads to the deterioration of culture and traditions.
Moreover
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
the
Correct article usage
apply

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persional
Correct your spelling
personal

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success may diminish the distance of human relationships and it will be divided by the value of money. The primary consequence is a decline in social interaction and
rise
Correct article usage
a rise

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 in individualistic attitudes.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it widens economic inequality because of exacerbating social divisions. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 economic
development
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 is
undoubledly
Correct your spelling
undoubtedly

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advantageous, it is vital to recognize that social values are more important. The government and societies must take some feasible
sollutions
Correct your spelling
solutions

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to balance the economic growth and the preservation of cultural heritage and community values.

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Language proficiency
Be cautious with spelling (e.g., 'prominant' should be 'prominent', 'subtaintial' should be 'substantial', 'persional' should be 'personal', 'sollutions' should be 'solutions') and grammatical accuracy (e.g., 'adversely affect on' should be 'adversely affect'). These small inaccuracies do not significantly hinder understanding but refining them can enhance clarity.
Lexical Resource
To further improve, try varying your vocabulary more to avoid repetition of words such as 'economic development' and 'social values'. Using synonyms or related terms can make your essay more engaging.
Development
For a higher score, consider developing your examples further with more details or statistics. While the examples you provided are effective, adding depth could strengthen your arguments.
Positioning
You have provided a clear position throughout the essay, maintaining a balanced discussion on the advantages and disadvantages of economic development in relation to social values.
Structure
Your essay structure is logical, with coherent paragraphs and effective use of linking words (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'On the other hand', 'In conclusion'). This aids in the overall cohesion and flow of your argument.
Task Response
The essay successfully covers all parts of the task, offering a balanced view with relevant examples, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • social values
  • materialism
  • community welfare
  • sustainable technologies
  • environmental degradation
  • social stratification
  • social cohesion
  • economic status
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