IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

nowadays, most countries can improve the standard of living through economic development, but some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of this phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?

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Today, the pursuit of economic progress can change the flow of people's
life
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lives
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 positively and promote some cultural value. From my point of view,
while
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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economic
development
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 undeniably brings various benefits, it is
prominant
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important
 to prioritize tradition. These are several advantages to boost the economic sector. Concerning the former, it creates job opportunities and improves the employment rate, leading to reducing poverty and enhancing
living
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the living
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 standard of residents. The rapid economic growth of China having lifted millions out of poverty through industries
such
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 as manufacturing and tourism services is the best example
for
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of
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this
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 phenomenon. Economic growth results in increasing tax revenue which can be enacted in many public services namely healthcare, education and facility
development
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.
Furthermore
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, these improvements create a
subtaintial
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substantial
 cycle that can lead
ton
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to
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 social
development
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.
On the other hand
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, economic prioritization can sometimes adversely affect
on
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apply
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social values. In the competition of economy, a decline in tradition and cultural heritage may occur. To cite an instance, the rise of consumerism and money in marginalized communities
such
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 as Native American reservations in the US leads to the deterioration of culture and traditions.
Moreover
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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persional
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personal
 success may diminish the distance of human relationships and it will be divided by the value of money. The primary consequence is a decline in social interaction and
rise
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a rise
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 in individualistic attitudes.
In addition
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, it widens economic inequality because of exacerbating social divisions. In conclusion,
although
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 economic
development
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 is
undoubledly
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undoubtedly
 advantageous, it is vital to recognize that social values are more important. The government and societies must take some feasible
sollutions
Correct your spelling
solutions
 to balance the economic growth and the preservation of cultural heritage and community values.

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Language proficiency
Be cautious with spelling (e.g., 'prominant' should be 'prominent', 'subtaintial' should be 'substantial', 'persional' should be 'personal', 'sollutions' should be 'solutions') and grammatical accuracy (e.g., 'adversely affect on' should be 'adversely affect'). These small inaccuracies do not significantly hinder understanding but refining them can enhance clarity.
Lexical Resource
To further improve, try varying your vocabulary more to avoid repetition of words such as 'economic development' and 'social values'. Using synonyms or related terms can make your essay more engaging.
Development
For a higher score, consider developing your examples further with more details or statistics. While the examples you provided are effective, adding depth could strengthen your arguments.
Positioning
You have provided a clear position throughout the essay, maintaining a balanced discussion on the advantages and disadvantages of economic development in relation to social values.
Structure
Your essay structure is logical, with coherent paragraphs and effective use of linking words (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'On the other hand', 'In conclusion'). This aids in the overall cohesion and flow of your argument.
Task Response
The essay successfully covers all parts of the task, offering a balanced view with relevant examples, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • social values
  • materialism
  • community welfare
  • sustainable technologies
  • environmental degradation
  • social stratification
  • social cohesion
  • economic status
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