nowadays, most countries can improve the standard of living through economic development, but some social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of this phenomenon outweigh the disadvantages?
Today, the pursuit of economic progress can change the flow of people's
life
positively and promote some cultural value. From my point of view, Fix the agreement mistake
lives
while
the
economic Correct article usage
apply
development
undeniably brings various benefits, it is prominant
to prioritize tradition.
These are several advantages to boost the economic sector. Concerning the former, it creates job opportunities and improves the employment rate, leading to reducing poverty and enhancing Correct your spelling
important
living
standard of residents. The rapid economic growth of China having lifted millions out of poverty through industries Correct article usage
the living
such
as manufacturing and tourism services is the best example for
Change preposition
of
this
phenomenon. Economic growth results in increasing tax revenue which can be enacted in many public services namely healthcare, education and facility development
. Furthermore
, these improvements create a subtaintial
cycle that can lead Correct your spelling
substantial
ton
social Correct your spelling
to
development
.
On the other hand
, economic prioritization can sometimes adversely affect on
social values. In the competition of economy, a decline in tradition and cultural heritage may occur. To cite an instance, the rise of consumerism and money in marginalized communities Change preposition
apply
such
as Native American reservations in the US leads to the deterioration of culture and traditions. Moreover
, the
Correct article usage
apply
persional
success may diminish the distance of human relationships and it will be divided by the value of money. The primary consequence is a decline in social interaction and Correct your spelling
personal
rise
in individualistic attitudes. Correct article usage
a rise
In addition
, it widens economic inequality because of exacerbating social divisions.
In conclusion, although
economic development
is undoubledly
advantageous, it is vital to recognize that social values are more important. The government and societies must take some feasible Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
sollutions
to balance the economic growth and the preservation of cultural heritage and community values.Correct your spelling
solutions
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Language proficiency
Be cautious with spelling (e.g., 'prominant' should be 'prominent', 'subtaintial' should be 'substantial', 'persional' should be 'personal', 'sollutions' should be 'solutions') and grammatical accuracy (e.g., 'adversely affect on' should be 'adversely affect'). These small inaccuracies do not significantly hinder understanding but refining them can enhance clarity.
Lexical Resource
To further improve, try varying your vocabulary more to avoid repetition of words such as 'economic development' and 'social values'. Using synonyms or related terms can make your essay more engaging.
Development
For a higher score, consider developing your examples further with more details or statistics. While the examples you provided are effective, adding depth could strengthen your arguments.
Positioning
You have provided a clear position throughout the essay, maintaining a balanced discussion on the advantages and disadvantages of economic development in relation to social values.
Structure
Your essay structure is logical, with coherent paragraphs and effective use of linking words (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'On the other hand', 'In conclusion'). This aids in the overall cohesion and flow of your argument.
Task Response
The essay successfully covers all parts of the task, offering a balanced view with relevant examples, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.