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The bar graph shows the number of man and woman participants in the olympics between 1924 to 2012

The bar graph shows the number of man and woman participants in the olympics between 1924 to 2012
#bar #man #woman #participants #olympics
The bar graph
as well as
 a line graph provides information about how many men and women played games from 1924 until 2012. In overview, both males and females constantly increased from the beginning up to the end of the period,
however
, men were more compared to the ladies.
To begin
 with, in 1924, the gentlemen
participated
Correct pronoun usage
who participated
show examples
 were about 3000 whilst women were only less than even 200, meanwhile,
Add an article
the male
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 always qualified for
such
 Olympics.
Additionally
, in 1952, both numbers rose which means that girls were around 500
while
 boys reached approximately 4500, as time went on, in 1984, males were above 5000 compared to females which was almost at 1500.
Moreover
, in the final year of 2012, there was a huge rise of women from about 1500 up to 4800,
this
 clearly shows that mothers were
passionate
Correct quantifier usage
more passionate
show examples
 about participating in game competitions than before.
Lastly
Add a comma
Lastly,
show examples
 the number of players
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 growing stead from 1924 up to 1984,
however
, from there onwards, they experienced a rapid rise until 2012.
Submitted by cajaah93 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender ratio
  • inclusion
  • significant gap
  • gradual increase
  • key Olympics
  • notable increase
  • policy changes
  • closing gender gap
  • socio-political factors
  • feminist movements
  • gender equality
  • parity
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