IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, people increasingly talk about money such as how much they earn or how much they pay for things in their daily conversations. Why? Is this a positive or negative trend?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, there has been a trend among
people
Use synonyms
, talking about
money
Use synonyms
 ,
such
Linking Words
 as incomes and outcomes worldwide. Apparently, the primary reason why they share
such
Linking Words
 information might be the financial changes in
this
Linking Words
 competitive world.
Although
Linking Words
 it seems to others
such
Linking Words
 an unsuitable topic to speak about, I’m of the opinion that talking about
money
Use synonyms
 is a normal thing.
To begin
Linking Words
, one of the main reasons why it has become a crucial topic might be the changes, which are related to the cost of items and their influence on personal economies.
In other words
Linking Words
, these changes have a negative impact on
people
Use synonyms
’s lives
due to
Linking Words
 lack of
money
Use synonyms
, which is earned by them and regular expenses,
such
Linking Words
 as for clothes and food. It is believed that earning
money
Use synonyms
 may be a difficult task, especially for average individuals. To illustrate, expenses in Kazakhstan had increased by 12% in 2023, showing off dramatical raising prices of things. Many inhabitants of countries, like Kazakhstan, started to film on social media in order to attract the state of the country, showing off how it comes toughly for buying personal needs. Turning to the significance of telling
money
Use synonyms
 could be informing
people
Use synonyms
 around the world how much
money
Use synonyms
 they waste
in particular
Linking Words
 locations. It happens regularly to inform the government about the impacts on wealth.
For instance
Linking Words
, by discussion,
people
Use synonyms
 might analyze the outcomes and start wasting
money
Use synonyms
 in the correct way. In the process of globalization, there has been a growth in the prices of items, which shocked many
people
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend has occurred
due to
Linking Words
 the high prices of things and influences a lot.
People
Use synonyms
 might begin analyzing and studying financial education
due to
Linking Words
 bad consequences.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic, effectively discussing reasons for the trend and implications. To further enhance your task response, consider deeply analyzing both sides of the argument to present a more balanced view, even if you lean towards one side.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, aim for more fluid transitions between paragraphs. Use a wider range of linking phrases to guide the reader more smoothly from one idea to the next. This will strengthen the logical flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Expand on the positive and negative impacts of the trend with equal depth. Exploring both perspectives can provide a more rounded analysis of the trend and its societal implications.
Other
Carefully proofread for minor grammatical inaccuracies and ensure consistency in tenses throughout your essay. These small adjustments can refine the overall quality of your writing.
Task Achievement
Effective use of specific examples, such as the situation in Kazakhstan, to support your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
You successfully introduced and concluded the essay, effectively framing your discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay was well-structured, with a clear division between introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • financial transparency
  • societal taboos
  • economic fluctuations
  • financial management
  • financial literacy
  • purchasing decisions
  • wealth glorification
  • economic stratification
  • social comparison
  • peer pressure
  • income disparity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: