Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In the beginning, in
this
our
modern world in Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
period of technology revolution there are many alternative treatment ways for many different medical issues. I believe that the advantages could outweigh the disadvantages depend
upon the condition itself. My point of view will be discussed in Wrong verb form
depending
further
paragraphs with suitable
conclusion.
First of all, there Correct article usage
a suitable
are
a wide range of alternative Change the verb form
is
treatments
such
as physiotherapy
which come in the first place. physiotherapy
is a medical profession could
be a good choice in many cases Correct pronoun usage
that could
such
as muscular pain especially chronic one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
for instance
neck, shoulder, and low back pain. Moving further
, there are several techniques in physiotherapy
instead
of medicines or surgical interventions. To cite an example, by using electrotherapy and therapeutic exercises. In addition
, physiotherapy
could treat the problem from its roots instead
of providing a
general and sedative Correct article usage
apply
treatments
which affects
people's quality of Change the verb form
affect
lives
. Another pertinent point to mention is that long-term using a huge number of medicines Fix the agreement mistake
life
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
a
serious complications Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
such
as liver and kidney diseases. Furthermore
, using another
Replace the adjective
another treatment
other treatments
treatments
would minimize side effects. Aa sequence, improve people's quality of lives
.
On the Fix the agreement mistake
life
another
hand, some Correct quantifier usage
other
of
health problems are Change preposition
apply
life-threating
Correct your spelling
life-threatening
which
Correct word choice
and
needs
to Correct subject-verb agreement
need
regular
visiting their doctor Change the word
regularly
for
instance, diabetes and hypertension, with Add the comma(s)
, for
the
suitable Correct article usage
apply
prescription
.
In conclusion, provided Fix the agreement mistake
prescriptions
treatments
will depend upon the condition itself. However
, other alternative treatments
have a lot of advantages such
as treat
the pain Wrong verb form
treating
from
its root, Change preposition
at
decreased
the side effects of medicines, and Wrong verb form
decreasing
improve
their quality of Wrong verb form
improving
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
instead
of being sedative as a result
of prolong
consumption of Change the form of the verb
prolonged
pain-killers
. Correct your spelling
painkillers
Also
, it is important to aware
people about Add a missing verb
be aware
these
benefits of other Correct determiner usage
the
treatments
.Submitted by rm0.almohsen on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
structure
Consider a clearer overall structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, main body, and conclusion to enhance readability.
expression
Be cautious with repeated phrases and aim for a variety of expressions for a more sophisticated style.
task response
Enhance task achievement by addressing both sides of the argument more evenly and concluding with a stronger personal standpoint.
introduction
Ensure the introduction of your essay clearly states your viewpoint on the topic for a stronger immediate impact.
examples
Support your examples with more specific details and evidence for a more persuasive argument.
grammar
Mind the use of articles and prepositions as these small details can greatly improve the flow and clarity of your writing.
content
Your discussion on the benefits of alternative treatments such as physiotherapy is insightful and relevant.
task attempt
The essay shows an attempt to develop arguments, which is a positive aspect of your task response.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and the key points discussed.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.