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Band 4

Transport delays and long journey times are a widespread phenomenon in many cities today.  What are the causes of this problem, and how could the situation be improved

#transport #delays #journey #times #phenomenon #cities #situation
Statistics showed that there will be a significant rise in
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 of cities over the next decades. It is expected that the city will face problems
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 traffic congestion which will result in
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
time
 needed to reach to desired destination and
transportion
Correct your spelling
transportation
 delays.
This
 essay will look
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
through the problems that are caused
due to
 overpopulation and the proper solution that can be implemented. First and foremost, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 in big cities are suffering from transport delays and
long
Add an article
a long
the long
show examples
time
 they take to reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work during rush hour.
This
 resulted in
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of
people
 losing their jobs, increasing the number of unemployed
people
 in cities.
Moreover
, traffic congestion resulted in other
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
For example
, respiratory diseases and mental issues
due to
 non-environmental friendly conditions.
This
 problem can be
handled
Verb problem
solved
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 by building up
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 transport railway system facility that can ease the movement from one place to the other and can fit
this
 huge number of
people
 at the same
time
.
Secondly
, as students find it challenging to catch the bus to school they
preferred
Wrong verb form
prefer
show examples
 to simply stay at home and learn online. Online learning
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
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 can be beneficial but most of the
time
 it's not.
As
Correct your spelling
A
show examples
 school interactive environment promotes young
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 with discipline that can not be achieved
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home.
Moreover
, parents and children are considering the
time
 required for a journey to and from school and
this
 can cause
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introduction conclusion present
To enhance the introduction and conclusion, ensure your essay begins with a clear overview of the topic and ends with a summarised conclusion that reflects on the solutions provided.
complete response
For a complete response, ensure your essay fully addresses the question, covering all aspects of the topic. The conclusion was not present, which leaves your response feeling somewhat incomplete.
clear comprehensive ideas
To provide more comprehensive ideas, aim to develop your solutions further with more detailed examples or evidence. This can enrich your argument and support your main points more convincingly.
relevant specific examples
Incorporating more specific examples to back your points would strengthen your argument and make your analysis more convincing.
logical structure
Your essay is well-structured, with a logical flow of ideas, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
supported main points
You effectively identified key problems and offered relevant solutions, which is a strong aspect of your task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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