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Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
Statistics
showed
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
 that the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
population
 is rapidly increasing with time. In many regions around the globe,
people
 are moving from
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 to
cities
.
Therefore
, the
population
 in rural areas is decreasing compared to urban areas which showed a significant increase in
population
. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that the advantages of living in a
city
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
. First and foremost,
people
 are moving to urban areas for many purposes
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 educational
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
, health care and adequate housing environment. Suburbs regions provide low facilities for education and health care services.
Nevertheless
, as the
population
 keep constantly increasing it is very difficult to find a house with reasonable prices.
While
,
on the other
hand
Add the comma(s)
hand,
show examples
cities
 provide good access
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 hospitals, schools and houses or flats to stay in. It is expected that by 2022 no one will be living in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
countryside
due to
 lack of facilities.
Secondly
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 are concerned about the traffic congestion that can happen
due to
 overpopulation
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
cities
.
However
,
this
 problem can be easily solved by constructing wider
road
Fix the agreement mistake
roads
show examples
 and encouraging
people
 to drive
environmental
Change the adjective
environmentally
show examples
 friendly cars and e-bikes.
Cities
 will go through
urbanization
Correct article usage
an urbanization
show examples
 path, which will result in
knock-on
Add an article
a knock-on
show examples
 effect on
cities
. In New York
city
Capitalize word
City
show examples
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research was carried out showing that after 30
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
 from
now
Add a comma
now,
show examples
 all
cities
 in America will be the most suitable place to live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and there will be no one living in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
countryside
. In conclusion,
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 main goal is to live in a place
were
Correct your spelling
where
show examples
 all facilities in reach,
However
,
this
 is not provided in
suburb
Replace the word
suburban
show examples
 regions.
Although
 living in a
city
 may
cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
 an effect on
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
 can be easily handled. Indeed the benefits of living in a
city
 are far more than living in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
countryside
.
Submitted by safayahia63 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support the advantages and disadvantages of urbanization, as well as addressing the counterarguments more thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Work on a more varied and precise use of linking words to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs for improved cohesion.
task achievement
Make sure your predictions or statements, like 'by 2022 no one will be living in a countryside,' are realistic and backed by evidence or clear logic to maintain credibility.
coherence cohesion
Effective introduction and conclusion, clearly stating your viewpoint and summarizing the main arguments.
coherence cohesion
Overall good structure, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect or argument related to the urban migration trend.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task directly, providing a clear opinion and a reasoned argument in support of it.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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