In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city.Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?
Some
of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
university
students
living
with their parents during their Wrong verb form
live
study
period, while
others students
choose to stay outside their hometown
far away from their Fix the agreement mistake
hometowns
families
. In my opinion, I think living in another city away from family and friends
during study
has more benefits Add an article
the study
then
living among Replace the word
than
friends
.
Admittedly, there are some basic advantages of students
living with their families
while
they are studying. Firstly
, students
will be surrounded by positive people. In other words
, when students
live with their parents they will receive support. For example
, when students
get stress and pressure from their exams, they will find people who can calm them and help them. Secondly
, when they live with their families
, they have less
expenses. Change the quantifier
fewer
This
is because they do not have to pay water or electricity bills. As a result
, they will safe
money which can help them with their assignments and projects at the Replace the word
save
university
.
Nevertheless
, despite the advantages above, I believe that students
who live far away from their families
and friends
are affected positively by being on their own. That is
to say, when students
are not in their hometown, they do not have a lot of friends
to hung
out with them. Wrong verb form
hang
Therefore
, they are not distracted by friends
and have time to focus on study
. For instance
, those who study
abroad usually get grades
Correct word choice
better grades
more
than local Correct quantifier usage
apply
students
. Another obvious benefit is that when students
living
Wrong verb form
live
by
their own, they will be related to the Change preposition
on
university
more.
To sum up
, students
being alone and far away from their families
during university
period far Correct article usage
the university
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
of
being surrounded by Change preposition
apply
your
Correct pronoun usage
apply
friend
,Fix the agreement mistake
friends
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task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view, but to improve, you could provide more detailed examples and specific details to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to expand your range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance clarity and engagement.
task achievement
A more conclusive conclusion summarizing both sides of the argument and your own view would make your position clearer.
coherence cohesion
You've structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have a good foundation in presenting balanced viewpoints in your essay.