In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city.Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?
Some
of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
university
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
living
with their parents during their Wrong verb form
live
study
period, Use synonyms
while
others Linking Words
students
choose to stay outside their Use synonyms
hometown
far away from their Fix the agreement mistake
hometowns
families
. In my opinion, I think living in another city away from family and Use synonyms
friends
during Use synonyms
Use synonyms
study
has more benefits Add an article
the study
Linking Words
then
living among Replace the word
than
friends
.
Admittedly, there are some basic advantages of Use synonyms
students
living with their Use synonyms
families
Use synonyms
while
they are studying. Linking Words
Firstly
, Linking Words
students
will be surrounded by positive people. Use synonyms
In other words
, when Linking Words
students
live with their parents they will receive support. Use synonyms
For example
, when Linking Words
students
get stress and pressure from their exams, they will find people who can calm them and help them. Use synonyms
Secondly
, when they live with their Linking Words
families
, they have Use synonyms
less
expenses. Change the quantifier
fewer
This
is because they do not have to pay water or electricity bills. Linking Words
As a result
, they will Linking Words
safe
money which can help them with their assignments and projects at the Replace the word
save
university
.
Use synonyms
Nevertheless
, despite the advantages above, I believe that Linking Words
students
who live far away from their Use synonyms
families
and Use synonyms
friends
are affected positively by being on their own. Use synonyms
That is
to say, when Linking Words
students
are not in their hometown, they do not have a lot of Use synonyms
friends
to Use synonyms
hung
out with them. Wrong verb form
hang
Therefore
, they are not distracted by Linking Words
friends
and have time to focus on Use synonyms
study
. Use synonyms
For instance
, those who Linking Words
study
abroad usually get Use synonyms
grades
Correct word choice
better grades
more
than local Correct quantifier usage
apply
students
. Another obvious benefit is that when Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
living
Wrong verb form
live
by
their own, they will be related to the Change preposition
on
university
more.
Use synonyms
To sum up
, Linking Words
students
being alone and far away from their Use synonyms
families
during Use synonyms
Use synonyms
university
period far Correct article usage
the university
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
of
being surrounded by Change preposition
apply
your
Correct pronoun usage
apply
friend
,Fix the agreement mistake
friends
Submitted by s_syedy on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view, but to improve, you could provide more detailed examples and specific details to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to expand your range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance clarity and engagement.
task achievement
A more conclusive conclusion summarizing both sides of the argument and your own view would make your position clearer.
coherence cohesion
You've structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have a good foundation in presenting balanced viewpoints in your essay.