IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think eating meat is not good for health. To what extand do you agree or disagree?

#people #meat #health #extand
The consumption of
meat
 is considered as unhealthy
to
Change preposition
for
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 people. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 my personal view
along with
 relevant examples will be given in the following
paragraphes
Correct your spelling
paragraphs
.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the one hand, eating
meat
 or meals which contain
meat
 can be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 health and nature in some cases. In Uzbekistan,
for
example
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example,
show examples
 eating
meat
 is very common but
unfortunately
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unfortunately,
show examples
 it can be highly risky
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hygiene related
Add a hyphen
hygiene-related
show examples
 reasons or the quality of
meat
. Generally, consuming
meat
 can make people fat and
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the risk of dying from heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
, stroke or diabetes.
Moreover
, killing animals which are not allowed to haunt is causing certain types of animals to go extinct.
Also
, the action of killing any creature to eat is considered morally(generally) wrong and should be stopped by some vegetarian people.
Finally
, eating
meat
 can be harmful both for the environment and
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 of
human-being
Correct your spelling
human beings
show examples
.
However
,
meat
 provides fundamental nutrition and vitamins to our bodies.
Meat
 is one of the most important energy sources in our diet and if we eliminate it from our daily selection of food
then
 we may have difficulties with completing basic tasks.
Additionally
, it contains high-quality proteins and vitamins that are necessary for the growth of our body tissues.
For example
, my mother is a pure vegetarian and she has a severe B12 problem, but my brother eats fish, and he does not lack B12
To sum up
, I do acknowledge the idea, believing that
meat
 has harmful effects,
such
 as high blood pressure, heart disease, and obesity. Notwithstanding, it had significant advantages like fostering energy, and muscle strength and reducing the number of skin problems.
Thus
, having a balanced diet with
meat
 and other types of food is a rational decision.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Ensure each paragraph clearly supports either the argument for or against meat consumption, maintain focus to enhance your argument's clarity.
coherence cohesion
Introduce more varied linking phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs, enhancing coherence.
task achievement
Include a broader range of specific, real-world examples to strengthen your arguments and provide a more comprehensive understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
Review your work carefully for minor grammatical inaccuracies and correct them to improve overall readability.
task achievement
You've provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well articulated, setting the stage for your argument and summarizing it effectively.

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