In many countries, young people are granted certain privileges and responsibilities at the age of sixteen. Clearly parents have a responsibility to both care for and prepare their children as they approach this important milestone. To what degree should parents intervene in the lives of their 14-15 year-old children?
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Parenting is one of the important milestones for humans, especially for physical and
children
from 14 to 15 years old because adolescence is considered a revolutionary period in human life. This
is the age of development. , so parents
need to pay more attention to their children
.
First foremost
, education is one of the most important fields that Correct word choice
and foremost
parents
can intervene to help rain
their Correct your spelling
train
children
. It is because according to
adolescents usually have a wide range of interests in the world around them,and sometimes they can feed each motivation and orientation forward Change preposition
apply
learning
. Change preposition
to learning
That is
when parents
should provide support. If children
do not receive proper intervention for children
learning from parents
, they will be likely to fail in the future.
On the other hand
, children
not only need to be educated but they also
need to be protected. Because they are at the age of development, they have many negative thoughts. Parents
should care for and protect their children
to avoid risks in life. For example
, they need to protect their children
from school violence because this
is a problem that children
should not encounter. In addition
, parents
need to protect them more so that children
develop in a positive direction.
In conclusion, the family is one of the most influential social institutions among children
in which parents
are the real engineers of
. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, it is their responsibility to bringCorrect article usage
the
a
mental well-being of Remove the article
apply
children
into society.Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on
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Clarity & Precision
Ensure clarity and precision in expression. Some sentences are awkwardly constructed, making them difficult to understand. Simplifying and clarifying these can enhance the overall coherence.
Example & Evidence
Develop your arguments with more specific examples and evidence. While you mention the importance of protection and education, concrete examples to illustrate these points would strengthen your essay.
Grammar
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and range. There are several grammatical errors that could be minimized with careful editing and by practicing complex grammatical structures.
Transition & Linking
Enhance coherence by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas.
Topic Relevance
Your essay effectively addresses the significance of parental intervention in adolescent lives, clearly aligning with the essay topic.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion are well delineated, helping to frame your discussion effectively.
Balanced View
You present a well-rounded discussion by focusing on both education and protection, acknowledging the complex needs of adolescents.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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