IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Few people have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 opinion that teenagers should be required to have their studies until they reach the age of 18 years. I agree
as well as
Linking Words
 disagree with the given statement and would like to mention the reasons below. On the one hand, there are so many successful people and billionaires who are leading top in the world with no
education
Use synonyms
 at all, the only thing which we require is idea and implementation. The schools and colleges don't allow the students to showcase their talents and ideas
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and always teach the stuff which neither relates to the work which people will do in the jobs nor it helps us to survive in
this
Linking Words
 world. All the students will not be interested in pursuing
education
Use synonyms
 some like to pursue painting or would like to play basketball or cricket but if we do
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 until 18
then
Linking Words
 our chances of being successful in the field which we like falls down
Add the comma(s)
, for instance,
show examples
for instance
Linking Words
 a friend of mine is interested in playing basketball and want to make it as a
carrer
Correct your spelling
career
 but his parents forced him to do
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 until 18 which left him no time to play basketball and missed so many national chances.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,it's
imporntant
Correct your spelling
important
 to do studies until 18 years because it gives us maturity and logical thinking to solve any complex problems.
Education
Use synonyms
 helps
Correct your spelling
people
peope
Correct your spelling
people
 to get some idea on numbers or science or history of
this
Linking Words
 world which is important in so many matters.

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task response
Your essay introduces a relevant topic and provides both agreement and disagreement points. However, the introduction could be more clearly defined, and a conclusion is missing. Make sure to state your position more clearly in the introduction and summarize your arguments in the end.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a more logical and coherent structure. Connect your ideas in a way that leads the reader through your argument seamlessly. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea supported by examples and explanations. Including clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph will help improve the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Try to use linking words and phrases (e.g., 'However,' 'On the other hand,' 'For instance,') more effectively to show the relationship between ideas. These help make your arguments more cohesive and easier to follow.
task response
Expand on your examples and provide more specific details to thoroughly support your points. Explain further how the examples illustrate the broader context or argument you are making. This will help strengthen the task achievement criteria.
task response
You provided a balanced view by presenting both sides of the argument, which is a strong approach to addressing the essay prompt.
task achievement
Some relevant examples were provided, such as the story about your friend who wanted to pursue basketball, which adds a personal touch to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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