IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that if a police force carries guns, this encourages a higher level of violence in that society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Guns
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 play an important role in
military
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the military
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 field .There is a common argument that by carrying
guns
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, the
police
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 force will leave a violent impact on society. As far as I am concerned, I firmly dissent from
this
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 notion and will depict my standpoint in
this
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 essay. To commence with, it is fundamental to understand that all the
police
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 or officers are trained to use
guns
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 in the right way and time as well so it will not leave any disturbing image or violent act. To prove
this
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,
police
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 will take out the weapon when the citizens are in danger or in an adverse circumstance.
For example
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, there was a report in California in 2021 indicating that there was a faceless crowd accessing the high school for no reason and attacking innocent students and the
police
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 force immediately used their weapons to protect those students.
Hence
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, it is necessary to let the
police
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 equip their own weapon to easily protect themselves and
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everyone
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every one
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everyone
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 as soon as possible.
However
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, some offenders have their
high-skilled
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skills
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 in fighting or have a long period of exposure to martial arts so that they can easily overpower the officers.
Therefore
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, in these situations, a handle gun or short gun is the best choice to easily deal with the crimes.
For instance
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, BBC News reported that there was an argument where several adults
using
Wrong verb form
used
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 their individual weapons
such
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 as knives or heavy weapons
such
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 as AK47s and threatened the neighbourhood nearby so the the local
police
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 quickly tackled
this
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 problem by taking out their handled
guns
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 and arrested all of them.
Thus
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, a gun is an inseparable object of the officer to solve the problems without violence.
To conclude
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 from the mentioned explanation, I would confirm that
police
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 officer needs to carry a handgun in order to maintain the safety of society and protect innocent people who are in risky situations.

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Introduction Advice
Clarify your introduction by stating your thesis more distinctly. Although you conveyed a disagreement with the idea that police carrying guns increases societal violence, a more explicit statement of your main arguments could improve clarity.
Coherence & Cohesion Advice
Work on varying your sentence structures and transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow and enhanced readability. This creates a more engaging and coherent essay.
Lexical Resource Advice
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, particularly synonyms for commonly used words, to avoid repetition and make your essay more engaging.
Task Achievement Advice
Ensure your examples are directly supporting your main point in each paragraph. While your examples are relevant, adding more specific details or statistics could strengthen your argument.
Structure Highlight
You provided a logically organized essay with a clear introduction, developed body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is commendable.
Examples Highlight
Providing real-life examples, like the California school incident and the BBC News report, effectively supports your argument and demonstrates an understanding of the topic.
Opinion Consistency Highlight
Maintaining a clear opinion throughout the essay, and concluding with a restatement of this opinion, shows a good grasp of task response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • law enforcement
  • escalate
  • deter
  • overreaction
  • perceived safety
  • misuse of power
  • deterrent effect
  • law and order
  • public safety
  • crime prevention
  • civil liberties
  • use of lethal force
  • accountability
  • arms race
  • militarization
  • social fabric
  • statistical evidence
  • cultural attitudes
  • criminal behavior
  • policy implications
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