IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

task 2 :In many countries, young people are granted certain privileges and responsibilities at the age of sixteen. Clearly parents have a responsibility to both care for and prepare their children as they approach this important milestone. To what degree should parents intervene in the lives of their 14-15 year-old children?

#countries #people #privileges #responsibilities #age #sixteen #parents #responsibility #care #children #approach #milestone #lives
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As
children
 grow older, they can be more responsible in the things they do themselves. But when they have not yet reached adulthood,
parents
 still have the responsibility to educate them. In
this
 article, I will present ideas about how
parents
 should control their teenage
children
. First and foremost, education is one of the most important fields
Change preposition
in that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
parents
 can intervene to help raise their adolescent
children
. It is because
according to
 researchers ,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
teenagers usually have a wide range of interests
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world around them, and sometimes they can feel
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of motivation and orientation towards learning.
That is
 when
parents
 need to provide support. If
children
 do not receive proper intervention for their learning from
parents
, they will be likely to fail in the future.
Second,
an important
fields
Change the noun form
field
show examples
 is
parents
' understanding of their
children
.
For example
, when a child is sick,
parents
 should care for them, or if something happens at school, they should not be strict
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
children
 and listen to them.
This
 will build
children
's trust in their
parents
, making them become
good-kid
Correct your spelling
good
show examples
. But should not let your
children
 rely too much on their
paảents
Correct your spelling
parents
,or teach your
children
 how to handle difficulties and challenges in their lives.
Children
 should not only be helped to achieve their goals but
also
 be allowed to achieve themselves. In the end ,
parents
 should allow their adolescent
children
 a degree of autonomy but continue to exercise some control. If they intervene with a view to helping their child learn to make good decisions independently, they are
Likely
Fix capitalization
likely
show examples
 to see the best outcome.
Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and explores relevant fields of intervention by parents in teenagers' lives. To improve task achievement, incorporate more specific examples or evidence to support your points, enhancing the persuasiveness of your argument.
Language
Ensure clarity and precision in language use to avoid misunderstandings. For example, 'according to researchers, a teenagers...,' the sentence structure and the plural form 'teenagers' need attention.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical flow of ideas with a clear introduction and conclusion. To enhance coherence, work on smoother transitions between paragraphs and within them, ensuring each point builds upon the previous one for a more cohesive argument.
Task Achievement
Try to directly address the specific age group (14-15 years) mentioned in the prompt more explicitly throughout the essay to ensure your response is as relevant as possible to the task.
Content
Effectively identified key areas for parental intervention (education, understanding, autonomy) in the lives of their adolescent children.
Argument
Provided a balanced view on the degree of autonomy versus control that parents should exercise.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • intervene
  • milestone
  • privileges
  • responsibilities
  • accountability
  • supervision
  • boundaries
  • autonomy
  • financial literacy
  • curfews
  • micromanaging
  • extracurricular activities
  • self-improvement
  • support system
  • real-world experiences
  • decision-making skills
  • negative influences
  • academic progress
  • independence
  • emotional and practical preparation
What to do next:
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