IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is importance for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

#importance #children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction #sort #parents #teachers #behaviour
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Nowadays,
children
Use synonyms
 are exposed
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a diversified environment where massive information is accessible. It is vital for schools and parents to teach them
distinguish
Fix the infinitive
to distinguish
show examples
 right from wrong as early as possible. I
also
Linking Words
 believe
by
Change preposition
that
show examples
 using appropriate
punishment
Use synonyms
 when necessary would benefit forming good values at an early age. It is unfortunate that in the midst of vast progress in every field of
life
Add a comma
life,
show examples
 there is
also
Linking Words
 a growth of issues among the young generation,
such
Linking Words
 as campus violence, early anti-social behaviour and juvenile
deliquency
Correct your spelling
delinquency
. These issues are
due to
Linking Words
youngest's
Correct article usage
the youngest's
show examples
 immaturity.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 are easily influenced by violent scenes on TV because they are unable to realize whether it is right or wrong, even worse, they may imitate the violence because they think it is "cool" and "fun".
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is imperative to educate
children
Use synonyms
 and form their correct
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
. Under some circumstances,
punishment
Use synonyms
 should be brought out to help
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
show examples
 understand the severe consequences if they fail to learn the distinction. Some people argue that
punishment
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 may cause detrimental effects on young
children
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phsychologically
Correct your spelling
psychologically
.
Therefore
Linking Words
adequet
Correct your spelling
adequate
 and appropriate measures should be taken at
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 moment.
For instance
Linking Words
, if violent
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 learnt from TV happens on campus, parents should limit the hours or "ban the happy hours" of their kids for a few days. To cite another example, if a student makes
joke
Add an article
a joke
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 about his or her classmate, he or she can be punished
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 cleaning the classroom
thus
Linking Words
 educating him or her school is a place to learn to be friendly, kind,
cooperating
Replace the word
cooperative
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 and
dedicating
Wrong verb form
dedicated
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. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, teaching
children
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 good judgement is crucial,
thought
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
punishment
Use synonyms
 is not without negative effects, I do think it is positive if schools and parents use it wisely.
Submitted by carriexue23 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to provide a more dynamic and engaging tone.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that you are using punctuation accurately to improve readability and clarity.
Task Achievement
Although you have provided examples, try to delve deeper into analyzing these examples to clearly link them back to your main argument.
Introduction
You have a clear thesis statement that sets the direction of your essay effectively.
Content
Good use of examples to support your points.
Task Achievement
You have successfully addressed all parts of the task with relevant examples and explanations.
Logical Structure
The essay is logically organized with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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