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Band 4

nowadays it seems that different that different generations within the family spend less time doing activities together. why is that? is this a positive or negative development.

#generations #time #activities #development
The day it seems that family members of different ages have less
time
 to do together
this
 essay will discuss the advantages of
this
 trend
To begin
 with, there are several reasons why
people
 of different
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 have more distance.
firstly
 in the modern day technology is rapidly developing Young
people
 are following that trend everyone has individualized entertainment digital devices.
However
 old
people
 do not like modern technology ,they are not interested in smartphones.
people
 can talk to others with some interest
such
 as history, tours, meals or even walks around the city
Secondly
 work pressure
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 makes the generation gap wider. Nowadays
people
 work long hours thereby leading to having little
time
 to spend with family. In my point of view, the generation gap in the family is a negative development because
people
 do not have
time
 for each other.
This
 can cause unnecessary misunderstandings
such
 as depression and autism.
In addition
, distance between family members can cause disagreements in communication, causing conflicts between relationships. Everyone in the family should open up ,talk and do activities together to make the family happier In conclusion,
people
 spend less
time
 with their families because of technology and the pressure of work. I believe
this
 is a negative development because
this
 trend leads to depression, autism and conflict between relationships.
Submitted by nhuquynhbn2004 on

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introduction
Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. A more direct approach to stating whether the trend is positive or negative in the introduction can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow and cohesion of the essay. This helps in clearly showing the relationship between ideas and paragraphs.
supported main points
Develop your main points with more detailed explanations and specific examples. This helps in making your argument stronger and more convincing.
relevance
Ensure relevance by staying focused on how each point directly relates to the prompt. Each paragraph should clearly support your overall viewpoint on whether the trend is positive or negative.
conclusion
Your conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and restate your viewpoint. Avoid introducing new information here.
task response
You addressed both aspects of the question (why the trend is happening and its impact).
position statement
The essay contains a clear position on the topic, stating that the generation gap is seen as a negative development.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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