Walking is known to be beneficial for health but these days the number of people walking has reduced a lot. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to tackle this situation?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Walking is believed to be advantageous for
health
Use synonyms
,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, there is a decreasing number of
people
Use synonyms
walking nowadays.
This
Linking Words
is because
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
show examples
modern society,
people
Use synonyms
prefer
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
surfing
Change the verb
surf
show examples
the internet and
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
high-tech tools to improve their
health
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
of walking. To deal with
this
Linking Words
phenomenon, the authorities should propagate more about the drawbacks of not walking regularly and encourage residents to use walking
machines
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
have an unchanged thought that walking takes a lot of their time and makes them feel tired.
And
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
Linking Words
situation
consequently
Linking Words
appears in hard weather.
For instance
Linking Words
, sitting in a room with
a
Change the article
an
show examples
air-conditioner and surfing the internet is much better than going outside in hot weather for a walk,
this
Linking Words
is a common thought in some
peple
Correct your spelling
people
. Not
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
only
show examples
some individuals but
also
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
whole families agree with
this
Linking Words
idea and have no change in their
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
thoughts,
therefore
Linking Words
there have been more and more
people
Use synonyms
who are not into walking. And
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
problems can lead to many
health
Use synonyms
diseases
such
Linking Words
as cardio
vescular
Correct your spelling
vascular
vesicular
or leg problems. Because of the bad
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
show examples
for
health
Use synonyms
, the authorities should give more methods to cope with matters. Walking
machines
Use synonyms
would be the best
solutions
Fix the agreement mistake
solution
show examples
for those who are interested
to do
Change preposition
in doing
show examples
things
indoor
Correct your spelling
indoors
show examples
. The walking
machines
Use synonyms
which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
connected to the electricity have no limit
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
time
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
and power,
thus
Linking Words
, it is
easiear
Correct your spelling
easier
for the whole family to do exercise
as well as
Linking Words
walking
Wrong verb form
walk
show examples
at home.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the authorities should
spead
Correct your spelling
spread
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more encouragement for the residents to walk because of its bad influence
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
health
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, advertising the drawbacks of sitting too much or not doing exercise on a wide range of social platforms can help
people
Use synonyms
realize the importance of walking and
then
Linking Words
they can have their own methods to solve
this
Linking Words
problem.
To sum up
Linking Words
, walking plays an enormous role in
health
Use synonyms
,
hence
Linking Words
, governments should give more motivation for residents to walk more and
introducing
Wrong verb form
introduce
show examples
new walking
machines
Use synonyms
at home.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs and ideas, using linking phrases effectively.
task achievement
Consider diversifying the types of examples you use to support your arguments. This can make your essay more convincing and engaging.
introduction conclusion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear and distinct, summarizing your main points effectively to improve the reader's understanding.
task achievement
You have successfully provided a comprehensive response to the prompt, effectively addressing both parts of the question.
logical structure
Your essay follows a logical structure, making it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
supported main points
The main points in your essay are supported, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: