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Band 5

Space exploration is very expensive and the money should apend on other thing. Do you agree or not

#space #exploration #money #apend
Recently, there
are
Wrong verb form
have been
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 many considerations that the government should not invest money into
space
 exploration because of its exorbitant cost,
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others think
this
 action can solve some
concerned
Change preposition
of concerned
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 issues of the world.
This
 writer agrees with the former and believes that spending cash on improving the standard of resident lives should be given
a
Correct article usage
apply
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priority.
To begin
 with the positive sides of
space
 research, it can be noticed that
this
 subject satisfies the desire of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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in
Change preposition
for
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 exploration and adventure. To clarify, all scientists want to discover the mysteries of
universe
Add an article
the universe
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, which provide a huge amount of information to
conquest
Verb problem
conquer
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 the cosmos.
For example
, they are looking forward to finding a planet
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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 adapt
all
Change preposition
to all
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 of
conditions
Add an article
the conditions
show examples
 for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 to live in, so
space
 missions are necessary for
this
 task.
Consequently
, discovering
universe
Correct article usage
the universe
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 may
provides
Wrong verb form
provide
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 more accommodation and
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
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 the quality of life during the overpopulation of the
global
Replace the word
globe
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 recently.
However
,
this
 mission
also
 requires the authorities to pay a fortune
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
whereas
 that money can be used to enhance
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
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 of the poor. To explain, to fly into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space
, explorers must be trained in professional courses to ensure
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
safety.
Besides
, constructing
space
 stations on the surface of other planets is
also
 expensive and time-consuming.
Therefore
,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
finance should be saved and supplied to people in difficult situations.
For instance
, the government can build more infrastructures
such
 as schools or hospitals,
supporting
Change preposition
to supporting
show examples
 the unprivileged to have
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 life. Taking everything into account, it can be
acknowledge
Wrong verb form
acknowledged
show examples
 that both tasks are essential nowadays but humans should give priority to
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
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standard
Add an article
the standard
show examples
 of life. Hopefully, scientists can explore some interesting facts about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outer
space
, solving considerable issues of the world.
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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, work on the transitions between ideas and paragraphs to make the flow smoother.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporate a wider variety of linking words to enhance cohesion.
Task Achievement
Make sure your examples are directly relevant to the argument you are making and develop them more. This can enhance task response scores.
Task Achievement
The essay successfully introduces and concludes the topic, indicating a clear positional stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear, with a logical sequence of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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