IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people have the opinion that big shopping malls are expensive places as they offer high costs for the products which can be bought at much cheaper prices from local shops. On the other hand, some people think that such malls are absolutely the best places to visit for shopping. Discuss both the opinions and give your own opinion.

#people #malls #places #offer #costs #products #prices #shops #hand #visit
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It is generally believed that the big shopping
malls
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 often give higher cost for some products rather than local shops.
However
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, some
people
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 say that shopping
centres
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 always become the best places for purchasing goods. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both these views and try to draw a conclusion. On the one hand, in
this
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 contemporary world,
people
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 argue that purchasing some goods in shopping
centres
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 sometimes costs a lot of money.
In contrast
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,
people
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 will save their money if they buy their needs from local stores because our local shops mostly use the local source.
This
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 phenomenon has some positive effects,
for instance
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, citizens can help the local store to increase their income and promote their products indirectly.
Moreover
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, shopping at shopping
centres
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 just allows some society who buy things at a high cost,
for example
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, only rich communities can afford their needs in
this
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 market and poor
people
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 cannot. On the flip side, citizens choose to buy anything in
malls
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 because their atmosphere is a comfort zone. Shopping
centres
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 provide some
facilities
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 to help
people
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 buy some products in the good area,
such
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 as air conditioning and disabled
facilities
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 which could not be found in local stores these days. And
then
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, some communities choose to pay more to make themselves comfortable rather than shop in local shops which are sometimes more crowded and do not provide good
facilities
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.
Finally
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, the special reason why
people
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 choose to buy some goods in shopping
malls
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 is in one building,
people
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 can buy everything they want. They can find their needs in one area. In conclusion, I believe that shopping in local stores has more positive effects rather than shopping in
malls
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,
however
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, they provide some
facilities
Use synonyms
 to citizens.
Submitted by suryawatinovita on

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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your arguments more logically. While you have a good introduction and conclusion, the main points can be better supported and transitioned. Try to make your paragraphs flow more smoothly from one to the next.
task achievement
Ensure that you fully address the question. You've covered both sides of the argument, but consider using more specific examples to strengthen your points. Also, make sure to make your own opinion more explicit.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting your ideas coherently.
task achievement
You've provided a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, which is essential for this type of essay question.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and comprehensive. You demonstrate an understanding of the topic at hand.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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