Social media is becoming an increasingly large part of people’s lives. What are the effects of the trend? Do you believe this is a positive or negative trend for society?
Internet
community is the most used platform in today's world. Social Add an article
The Internet
media
has become an effective way of communicating with each other and finding new and old friends. Although
this
has a lot of benefits in being interactive, it also
comes with many drawbacks, such
as ruining the innocence of children
and making people
believe everything they see over the internet
displays the truth. In this
essay, I will explain why social media
can affect society negatively.
Firstly
, the internet
has influenced youngsters so much that many children
are no more
interested in nature or physical activities but rather spend all their time surfing Rephrase
longer
over
Change preposition
apply
the
social Correct article usage
apply
media
apps, which brings no benefit to them. In 2019, when the pandemic hit the whole world, many children
between the ages of 9-15 indulged in social media
apps like TikTok, which affected them in their studies and made them lose their innocence by watching inappropriate videos on the internet
. Furthermore
, it not only affects their childhood but also
makes them disconnected from their surroundings, which leads to depression. In 2020, my friend's brother, who was only 14 years old, attempted to commit suicide because he was madly in love with a catfisher on the internet
. However
, it not just only ruined his childhood but also
made him mentally unstable with a lack of focus in
his studies.
Change preposition
on
Moreover
, many individuals believe whatever they see on the internet
is the truth, which makes them lack confidence in themselves. People
on social media
showcase to the viewers like
everything is perfect in their world by posting glamorous videos or happy pictures, which only Correct word choice
that
shows
the positive side of their life. Correct subject-verb agreement
show
This
, in fact, depresses the community as they think that their life is only filled with obstacles and they are unlucky to be living with such
a traumatic life. Half of the Indians are influenced by Bollywood celebrities whom they see on Instagram or Facebook, which forces them to become anorexic and look beautiful like the celebrities. This
is, however
, a disorder
called social media
disorder
which demotivates people
from believing in themselves and makes them agoraphobic as they think they are not fit enough to be confident.
To conclude
, social media
might bring people
closer to each other, but it also
increases their anxiety and gives them mental problems like anxiety disorder
or panic disorder
. Although
the internet
forum has definitely become a very important part in
Change preposition
of
people
's lives, but
the only reason to overcome social Remove the conjunction
apply
media
disorder
is to limit screen time and do more physical activities like walking around the beach or in the park. In addition
, it is vital for parents to allow children
to experience the beauty of nature and keep them busy by allowing them to make friends in person rather than on the internet
, which preserves their childhood.Submitted by khadiii60 on
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Task Response
Maintain a balance between explaining negative effects and discussing potential mitigations or contrasts to avoid oversimplification.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure to use a variety of linking words to enhance flow, but avoid overuse or incorrect use which could disrupt readability.
Task Response
Consider the introduction of counterarguments or a more nuanced view to deepen the analysis of the topic and showcase a broader understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion
Keep paragraphs well-organized, with one main idea per paragraph, supported by specific examples or explanations. This was well-done but can always be further polished for clarity and impact.
Task Response
Presented a clear stance on the topic right from the introduction, successfully guiding the reader through the essay's argument.
Task Achievement
Used relevant and specific examples to support points made, enhancing the credibility of the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay featured a logical flow of ideas and clear paragraphing, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.