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Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some people believe that it is better to live and work in a vertical city with multiple tall buildings, as compared to a horizontal city with fewer tall buildings. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #work #city #buildings
There are many considerations that people should give priority to
reside
Wrong verb form
residing
show examples
 and
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in tall constructions because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 advantages,
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others prefer the low ones.
This
 writer agrees with the latter and gives some main reasons to explain
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
.
To begin
 with, it should be noticed that vertical buildings provide a better environment for people to reside and work in. To clarify, these infrastructures take up less space than the horizontal ones so there are more acreages of
lands
Fix the agreement mistake
land
show examples
 for
buiding
Correct your spelling
building
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 amenities
such
 as hospitals or schools.
Besides
, nowadays, many citizens
fascinated
Add a missing verb
are fascinated
show examples
 by possessing a house with
view
Add an article
a view
show examples
 from above so they can experience living there to
sastify
Correct your spelling
satisfy
 their hobby.
However
, high constructions make cities become more cramped and hustle compared to in the past, increasing the ratio of risk
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Introduction
Ensure a clear thesis statement in the introduction to effectively present your opinion and preview the main points.
Task Achievement
Develop both viewpoints thoroughly before stating your own opinion. This approach will strengthen the task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. One paragraph for each view and one for your opinion would enhance clarity.
Example Usage
Provide specific examples to support each view. This not only strengthens your argument but also makes your essay more engaging.
Conclusion
Wrap up your essay with a conclusion that restates your opinion and summarizes the main points discussed.
Introduction
Your introduction of discussing both views before stating your own is a logical approach.
Language Fluency
The language used is generally clear and the essay flows well from one idea to the next.
Understanding
You've successfully identified merits in both living in vertical and horizontal cities, showing an understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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