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Band 3

The chart annual information about rental and sales of films from a particular store, separated into 4 different categories between 2002 and 2011.

#information #sales #films #store #categories
The chart
annual
Change preposition
of annual
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 information about
rental
Correct article usage
the rental
show examples
 and sales of
films
 from a particular store, separated into 4 different categories between 2002 and 2011.
Overall
, film rentals, which contributed the highest volume in the two initial years, experienced a
gradually
Change the adverb
gradual
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 decrease and was eventually surpassed by DVD sales with an
increasing
Replace the word
increase
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.
In addition
, the use of VHS disappeared in the middle of the year and Blu-ray
films
 began to be sold. There were approximately 185,000 film rentals from
this
 particular store in 2002.
This
 figure a gradual decline over the recorded period to 58,000 in 2011. Regarding DVD, the number of its use significantly rose in the first four years to 200,000 in 2005, which was 4 times compared in 2002. It continued growing to reach a peak
about
Change preposition
of about
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 213,000 in 2007 before gradually going down to the end at about 180,000 in 2012.
On the other hand
, nearly 50000 VHS
films
 were sold in 2002.
This
 number saw a sharp fall in the initial four years until people did not use VHS anymore from 2006 to 2011.
On the contrary
, Blu-ray
films
 in 2007 observed a gradual go up to reach roughly 15,000 in 2012.
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Introduction/Conclusion
Try to include a more detailed introduction and conclusion to provide a clearer overview and summary of the data presented.
Data Accuracy
Ensure accuracy in stating figures and time frame, for instance, mentioning the peak of DVD sales in 2007 but referring to data in 2012 in the conclusion.
Coherence
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
Detailing
Provide more specific examples and comparisons to support your analysis of the data.
Accuracy
Be cautious with the accuracy of dates and figures mentioned; for instance, 2012 is mentioned, but the chart data ends in 2011.
Overview
Your essay gives a clear overview of trends and changes in film rental and sales over the period.
Comparative Analysis
You successfully indicated a comparative analysis between the different formats (DVD, VHS, Blu-ray).
Inclusivity
Good effort in covering all categories and their significant shifts over the given period.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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