Some people think that it's a good idea to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it's important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own
The majority of
people
argue that,
it is the best practice to go out with their Remove the comma
apply
work
colleagues
during evenings and weekends whereas
others think that it is crucial to maintain working life
away from the social life
. I believe that socialising with the
Correct article usage
apply
work
colleagues
is a good idea to understand them completely. This
essay will discuss how the quality
of work
can be enhance
by socialising with Change the verb form
be enhanced
work
colleagues
followed by that it will illustrate why it is crucial to keep working life
away from social life
.
On one
hand, the majority of Correct article usage
the one
people
believes
that it is the best idea to connect with Change the verb form
believe
work
colleagues
after work
or during hoildays
. Correct your spelling
holidays
Due to
this
a person can have a rapport Add a comma
this,
of
their Change preposition
with
work
partner. As a result
of this
their Add a comma
this,
quality
of work
can be enhanced. The best example for this
scenario will be one of my friends named Sarah. She is working for a Multinational Corporation. She usually spend
a lot of Change the verb form
spends
time
with her colleagues
and tries to maintain a good relationship with them. As a result
of this
, they have a great understanding among themself and this
helped them to improve their quality
of work
.
On the other hand
, some people
thinks
that it is important to maintain their professional Change the verb form
think
life
totally seperate
from their personal or social Correct your spelling
separate
life
. Because of this
people
will have a very minimal amount of chance to think and talk about their work
during their personal time
. Therefore
, employees
who are working on a highly stressful jobs
will have some Correct the article-noun agreement
highly stressful jobs
a highly stressful job
quality
time
to relax. The
recent survey on Correct article usage
A
undrestanding
Correct your spelling
understanding
the
Correct article usage
apply
employees
Change to a genitive case
employee's
employees'
life
says thatFix the agreement mistake
lives
,
almost 60 Remove the comma
apply
percentage
of Replace the word
per cent
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
are trying to maintain their personal life
away from the
professional Change the word
their
life
to avoid their thoughts about the Fix the agreement mistake
lives
work
.
In conclusion, it is important for an
Correct the article-noun agreement
employees
an employee
employees
to have a good understanding of each others
. the organization should take Change to a singular noun
other
an
Correct article usage
the
initiate
to allocate some Replace the word
initiative
time
for their employees
to socialize. Because of this
, workers can have their own personal time
to avoid thinking their
Change preposition
about their
work
.Submitted by r.harip3 on
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general
Your essay presents a clear argument, logically discussing both viewpoints and your own opinion, which is commendable. To further enhance clarity and engagingness, consider varying your sentence structures more diversely.
examples
You've included personal examples, such as the anecdote about your friend Sarah, which supports your points effectively. To further strengthen your argument, try to include more detailed examples or incorporate statistics and other forms of evidence where possible.
grammar
Ensure to check for and correct minor grammatical inaccuracies and typos to improve the overall professionalism of your writing.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion effectively bookend your discussion, summarizing key points and your stance well. Keep honing this skill, as it's crucial for a strong essay.
cohesion
Although your essay is logically structured, using clearer paragraph transitions could enhance the flow and coherence of your argument. Phrases that signal contrasts or comparisons can be particularly useful in this regard.
balanced argument
Your essay effectively presents and discusses both sides of the argument, showing a good understanding of the topic.
use of examples
The use of a personal example (your friend Sarah) brings your argument to life, making your essay more relatable and persuasive.
conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your discussion and reiterates your personal stance, reinforcing your argument effectively.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
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