IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that it's a good idea to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it's important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own

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The majority of
people
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 argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is the best practice to go out with their
work
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colleagues
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 during evenings and weekends
whereas
Linking Words
 others think that it is crucial to maintain working
life
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 away from the social
life
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. I believe that socialising with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
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colleagues
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 is a good idea to understand them completely.
This
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 essay will discuss how the
quality
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 of
work
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 can
be enhance
Change the verb form
be enhanced
show examples
 by socialising with
work
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colleagues
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 followed by that it will illustrate why it is crucial to keep working
life
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 away from social
life
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. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, the majority of
people
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believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that it is the best idea to connect with
work
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colleagues
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 after
work
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 or during
hoildays
Correct your spelling
holidays
.
Due to
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 a person can have a rapport
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
work
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 partner.
As a result
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 of
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
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 their
quality
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 of
work
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 can be enhanced. The best example for
this
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 scenario will be one of my friends named Sarah. She is working for a Multinational Corporation. She usually
spend
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spends
show examples
 a lot of
time
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 with her
colleagues
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 and tries to maintain a good relationship with them.
As a result
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 of
this
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, they have a great understanding among themself and
this
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 helped them to improve their
quality
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 of
work
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that it is important to maintain their professional
life
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 totally
seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
 from their personal or social
life
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. Because of
this
Linking Words
people
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 will have a very minimal amount of chance to think and talk about their
work
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 during their personal
time
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.
Therefore
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,
employees
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 who are working on
a highly stressful jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
highly stressful jobs
a highly stressful job
show examples
 will have some
quality
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time
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 to relax.
The
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A
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 recent survey on
undrestanding
Correct your spelling
understanding
the
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apply
show examples
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employees
Change to a genitive case
employee's
employees'
show examples
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 says that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 almost 60
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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 are trying to maintain their personal
life
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 away from
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 professional
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 to avoid their thoughts about the
work
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. In conclusion, it is important for
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
employees
an employee
show examples
employees
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 to have a good understanding of each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
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. the organization should take
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
initiate
Replace the word
initiative
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 to allocate some
time
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 for their
employees
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 to socialize. Because of
this
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, workers can have their own personal
time
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 to avoid thinking
their
Change preposition
about their
show examples
work
Use synonyms
.

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general
Your essay presents a clear argument, logically discussing both viewpoints and your own opinion, which is commendable. To further enhance clarity and engagingness, consider varying your sentence structures more diversely.
examples
You've included personal examples, such as the anecdote about your friend Sarah, which supports your points effectively. To further strengthen your argument, try to include more detailed examples or incorporate statistics and other forms of evidence where possible.
grammar
Ensure to check for and correct minor grammatical inaccuracies and typos to improve the overall professionalism of your writing.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion effectively bookend your discussion, summarizing key points and your stance well. Keep honing this skill, as it's crucial for a strong essay.
cohesion
Although your essay is logically structured, using clearer paragraph transitions could enhance the flow and coherence of your argument. Phrases that signal contrasts or comparisons can be particularly useful in this regard.
balanced argument
Your essay effectively presents and discusses both sides of the argument, showing a good understanding of the topic.
use of examples
The use of a personal example (your friend Sarah) brings your argument to life, making your essay more relatable and persuasive.
conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your discussion and reiterates your personal stance, reinforcing your argument effectively.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • colleagues
  • socialising
  • work relationships
  • teamwork
  • positive
  • supportive
  • work environment
  • personal relationships
  • collaboration
  • communication
  • stress
  • well-being
  • work-life balance
  • personal time
  • boundaries
  • conflicts
  • burnout
  • professional
  • personal identities
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