Some people think that it's a good idea to socialise with work colleagues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it's important to keep working life completely separate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own

The majority of
people
argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it is the best practice to go out with their
work
colleagues
during evenings and weekends
whereas
others think that it is crucial to maintain working
life
away from the social
life
. I believe that socialising with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
colleagues
is a good idea to understand them completely.
This
essay will discuss how the
quality
of
work
can
be enhance
Change the verb form
be enhanced
show examples
by socialising with
work
colleagues
followed by that it will illustrate why it is crucial to keep working
life
away from social
life
. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
hand, the majority of
people
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
that it is the best idea to connect with
work
colleagues
after
work
or during
hoildays
Correct your spelling
holidays
.
Due to
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
a person can have a rapport
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
their
work
partner.
As a result
of
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
their
quality
of
work
can be enhanced. The best example for
this
scenario will be one of my friends named Sarah. She is working for a Multinational Corporation. She usually
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
a lot of
time
with her
colleagues
and tries to maintain a good relationship with them.
As a result
of
this
, they have a great understanding among themself and
this
helped them to improve their
quality
of
work
.
On the other hand
, some
people
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
that it is important to maintain their professional
life
totally
seperate
Correct your spelling
separate
from their personal or social
life
. Because of
this
people
will have a very minimal amount of chance to think and talk about their
work
during their personal
time
.
Therefore
,
employees
who are working on
a highly stressful jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
highly stressful jobs
a highly stressful job
show examples
will have some
quality
time
to relax.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
recent survey on
undrestanding
Correct your spelling
understanding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employees
Change to a genitive case
employee's
employees'
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
says that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
almost 60
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
are trying to maintain their personal
life
away from
the
Change the word
their
show examples
professional
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
to avoid their thoughts about the
work
. In conclusion, it is important for
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
employees
an employee
show examples
employees
to have a good understanding of each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
. the organization should take
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
initiate
Replace the word
initiative
show examples
to allocate some
time
for their
employees
to socialize. Because of
this
, workers can have their own personal
time
to avoid thinking
their
Change preposition
about their
show examples
work
.
Submitted by r.harip3 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

general
Your essay presents a clear argument, logically discussing both viewpoints and your own opinion, which is commendable. To further enhance clarity and engagingness, consider varying your sentence structures more diversely.
examples
You've included personal examples, such as the anecdote about your friend Sarah, which supports your points effectively. To further strengthen your argument, try to include more detailed examples or incorporate statistics and other forms of evidence where possible.
grammar
Ensure to check for and correct minor grammatical inaccuracies and typos to improve the overall professionalism of your writing.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion effectively bookend your discussion, summarizing key points and your stance well. Keep honing this skill, as it's crucial for a strong essay.
cohesion
Although your essay is logically structured, using clearer paragraph transitions could enhance the flow and coherence of your argument. Phrases that signal contrasts or comparisons can be particularly useful in this regard.
balanced argument
Your essay effectively presents and discusses both sides of the argument, showing a good understanding of the topic.
use of examples
The use of a personal example (your friend Sarah) brings your argument to life, making your essay more relatable and persuasive.
conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your discussion and reiterates your personal stance, reinforcing your argument effectively.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • colleagues
  • socialising
  • work relationships
  • teamwork
  • positive
  • supportive
  • work environment
  • personal relationships
  • collaboration
  • communication
  • stress
  • well-being
  • work-life balance
  • personal time
  • boundaries
  • conflicts
  • burnout
  • professional
  • personal identities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: