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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many governments spend a lot of money on art. Some people think this investment in art is necessary, but others say the money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#governments #money #art #people #investment #health #education
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In different
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Add a comma
counties,
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counties
Correct your spelling
countries
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 governments spend
money
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 on different things
such
Linking Words
 as
on
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apply
show examples
renovating schools, opening new museums, building new roads, improving
health
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 organisations, charity shops, music, and
art
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. Some
people
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 think investment in
art
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 is essential
while
Linking Words
 others believe it is more important to improve
health
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 and
education
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. Depending
for
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on
show examples
 which country we are talking there are advantages and disadvantages
on
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to
show examples
 spending
money
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 on
art
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. On the one hand, if we think about a country with good
health
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 and
education
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 industry it makes sense to invest in other things
such
Linking Words
 as investing
on
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in
show examples
art
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. Even though
,
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apply
show examples
 they have
good
Correct article usage
a good
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health
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 and
education
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system
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systems
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 I believe, there will
be
Rephrase
always be
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 always need to invest
money
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 to improve them even more. Distribution of
money
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,
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apply
show examples
 should depend on
people
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`s
need
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needs
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 and what
people
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 are really interested in. In more modern
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counties
Correct your spelling
countries
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,
such
Linking Words
 as Paris and Italy,
people
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 are interested in
art
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 and
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
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money
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 on
art
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 galleries, museums and other
art
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 society events.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if we take an example a poor country,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
priority must be given to
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health
Correct article usage
the health
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 and
education
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 industry. In poor
countries
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countries,
show examples
 there is a need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 better
health
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 and
education
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 as these are essentials. In these
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counties
Correct your spelling
countries
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,
people
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 give priority to their
health
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 and
education
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 and not that much to
art
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
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government
Add an article
the government
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 should spend
money
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 depending on
people
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`s
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
. In my
opinion
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opinion,
show examples
 the
government
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 should distribute
money
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property
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to property
show examples
.
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Government
Fix the agreement mistake
Governments
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 of poor
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counties
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
 should invest more
money
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 in
health
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 and
education
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 and less in
art
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.
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Government
Fix the agreement mistake
Governments
show examples
 of rich
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counties
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
 should invest more in
art
Use synonyms
 and less in
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by yuzgeademova2001 on

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task achievement
The essay could benefit from specific examples to illustrate points more vividly. For instance, mentioning a specific health program or an art initiative can strengthen arguments.
coherence cohesion
A clearer division between the arguments for both views could enhance the essay’s structure. Consider dedicating separate paragraphs for each viewpoint to maintain clarity.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Transition words and phrases are used effectively to connect ideas and provide a smooth flow in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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