Many governments spend a lot of money on art. Some people think this investment in art is necessary, but others say the money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In different
Add a comma
counties,
counties
governments spend Correct your spelling
countries
money
on different things such
as on
renovating schools, opening new museums, building new roads, improving Change preposition
apply
health
organisations, charity shops, music, and art
. Some people
think investment in art
is essential while
others believe it is more important to improve health
and education
. Depending for
which country we are talking there are advantages and disadvantages Change preposition
on
on
spending Change preposition
to
money
on art
.
On the one hand, if we think about a country with good health
and education
industry it makes sense to invest in other things such
as investing on
Change preposition
in
art
. Even though,
they have Remove the comma
apply
good
Correct article usage
a good
health
and education
system
I believe, there will Fix the agreement mistake
systems
be
always need to invest Rephrase
always be
money
to improve them even more. Distribution of money
,
should depend on Remove the comma
apply
people
`s need
and what Fix the agreement mistake
needs
people
are really interested in. In more modern counties
, Correct your spelling
countries
such
as Paris and Italy, people
are interested in art
and government
Correct article usage
the government
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
money
on art
galleries, museums and other art
society events.
On the other hand
, if we take an example a poor country, the
priority must be given to Correct article usage
apply
health
and Correct article usage
the health
education
industry. In poor countries
there is a need Add a comma
countries,
of
better Change preposition
for
health
and education
as these are essentials. In these counties
, Correct your spelling
countries
people
give priority to their health
and education
and not that much to art
.
To conclude
, government
should spend Add an article
the government
money
depending on people
`s need
. In my Fix the agreement mistake
needs
opinion
the Add a comma
opinion,
government
should distribute money
property
. Change preposition
to property
Government
of poor Fix the agreement mistake
Governments
counties
should invest more Correct your spelling
countries
money
in health
and education
and less in art
. Government
of rich Fix the agreement mistake
Governments
counties
should invest more in Correct your spelling
countries
art
and less in health
and education
.Submitted by yuzgeademova2001 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from specific examples to illustrate points more vividly. For instance, mentioning a specific health program or an art initiative can strengthen arguments.
coherence cohesion
A clearer division between the arguments for both views could enhance the essay’s structure. Consider dedicating separate paragraphs for each viewpoint to maintain clarity.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Transition words and phrases are used effectively to connect ideas and provide a smooth flow in the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!