Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is believed by a group of
people
that
growing
Verb problem
raising
show examples
children in a spirit of
competition
is
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
. Other individuals consider that there
some
Add a missing verb
are some
show examples
upsides for
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
among
people
in co-operation. Even though
competition
is practical for some situations in
life
, from my perspective co-operation is vital. From
one
angle,
competition
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
self-confidence
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
children. Since,if kids
preveiled
Correct your spelling
prevailed
in
one
contest,a sense of aplomb and motivation
working
Change the verb form
to work
show examples
hard would increase. Taking
one
of my friends as an example, he has recently won
math
Correct article usage
a math
show examples
contest.
Furthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
after our teacher's motivation, he took part in
Correct article usage
a
show examples
republic level
Add a hyphen
republic-level
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
math
competition
and obtained the first prize
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
contest
Add an article
the contest
show examples
. On top of that self-confidence is practical in competitive conditions
such
as
interview
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interviews
show examples
for the job
On the other hand
,
co-operative
Correct your spelling
cooperative
show examples
teaching is more significant than competitive teaching. In the modern era,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kindness is dying out
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
The co-operative
Correct article usage
Co-operative
show examples
learning and working may be the best solution
as well as
connect
Wrong verb form
connecting
show examples
the
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
among
people
.
In addition
, collaboration is not only
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
way of kindness but
also
adjusting the notions. If the teammates work together and change the ideas their task will be the best
one
. I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
,
celebrating
Correct word choice
that celebrating
show examples
together is more enjoyable than winning alone. All in all,a sense of
competition
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
a vital role in
people
's private
life
.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
co-operation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
show examples
is
Correct your spelling
beneficial
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
for all
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
life
in the same way as the only way to link relations in
people
's
life
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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coherence cohesion
To boost your coherence and cohesion score, consider improving the logical flow of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and that all ideas are connected logically. Using transition words and phrases can help make your essay more cohesive.
task achievement
Your arguments would be stronger with more developed ideas. Try expanding on each point and providing further examples or explanations to back up your arguments. This will make your task response more comprehensive and persuasive.
general
Watch out for small grammar and spelling mistakes, and try to avoid run-on sentences. Paying attention to these details can improve the overall clarity and readability of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
You provide clear introductions and conclusions in your essay, which helps to frame your arguments effectively.
relevant specific examples
The inclusion of specific examples, such as your friend winning a math contest, adds a personal touch and supports your arguments well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
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