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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries schools have several problems with students behaviour. what do you think are the cause of this? What solution can you suggest?

#countries #schools #students #behaviour
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There is an increasing number of student attitude problems in
school
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 systems in different nations. I think the main causes are the influence of social
media
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 on student’s
behaviour
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 and the lack of family control over their
children
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. The most viable solutions are to ban using smartphones in
school
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 and to conduct educational workshops for parents about behavioural problems. The main cause of student’s bad
behaviour
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 is following the social
media
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 trends. It, without doubt, affects how learners’ actions and teaches them some bad habits.
In other words
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, students spend the majority of their
time
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 following influencers on Facebook, Snapchat, and other platforms and they copy their acts and teach it to their peers in
school
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. Another cause of behavioural issues is that family has no control over their kids; how they spend
time
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 and with whom they spend it,
thus
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 parents will have no guide on their
children
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's attitude.
For example
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,
schools
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 in the USA have found that some families send their
children
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 to summer camps without knowing where they go and what they will do during that
time
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. The applicable solution to
this
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 issue is to ban using phones during
school
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time
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. Students will have to focus more on their
school
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 activities and teachers have more
time
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 to spend correcting their
behaviour
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 and guiding them in the right way.
Furthermore
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,
schools
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 should arrange workshops for guardians to teach them how to interact with their
children
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 and to learn more about methods to correct any bad attitude that arises from their
children
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.
For instance
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,
schools
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 in the UK arrange workshops for families in collaboration with some of the university professors who are experts in behavioural management.
To conclude
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, social
media
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 has a negative impact on students’
behaviour
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also
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family
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family's
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 lack of control over their
children
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 worsens their behavioural issues. To solve
this
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 issue
schools
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 should prohibit using phones inside
schools
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 so students will have less
time
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 to spend on social
media
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 platforms,
also
Linking Words
 educational institutions should coordinate educational seminars for parents about behavioural problems.
Submitted by nidaa_hamed on

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task achievement
You've made a strong effort in addressing the prompts comprehensively, covering both causes and solutions to the problem. To further enhance your essay, consider diving deeper into each cause and solution with more elaborated examples and a detailed analysis.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve upon this, work on enhancing the transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow and engagement.
task achievement
Addressed both the causes and solutions to students' behavioral issues comprehensively, showing a good understanding of the task.
task achievement
Effective use of examples to support your points, making your arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
Good overall structure with a clear introduction and conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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