The use of social media, e.g. Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

It
is widely claim
Change the verb form
is widely claimed
show examples
that the use of social
media
sites will
replacing
Change the verb form
replace
be replacing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
offline contact for several
people
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays. The reasons why I believe social
media
will
bring
Verb problem
have
show examples
a positive impacts
Correct the article-noun agreement
a positive impact
positive impacts
show examples
toward
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society will be elaborated on in
this
essay.
To begin
with, it may
seems
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seem
show examples
sensible for some to claim that
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
many benefits regards with socializing through online platforms.
First,
it connects
people
from a remote area with
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
real-time communication. Take
long distant
Correct your spelling
long-distance
show examples
couple
Fix the agreement mistake
couples
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,
For example
; the couple using these network sites
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
them to maintain their relationship, especially connection. Despite long
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
show examples
and different time
zone
Fix the agreement mistake
zones
show examples
, they still keep in touch with their
love
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loved
show examples
one's
Correct your spelling
ones
show examples
easily. Many
opponent
Change to a plural noun
opponents
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of
this
idea might
opposed
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oppose
be opposed
show examples
that
these disruption
Change the determiner
this disruption
these disruptions
show examples
of human social contact tools may bring about maleficent effects.
Therefore
, in
this
respect, there is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
evident proving
Replace the word
evidence proof
show examples
that
people
addicted to these applications
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
which
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
in building up negative habits
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
their health. Addiction
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
social
media
use
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
several
people
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
spend time
scroll
Wrong verb form
scrolling
show examples
down on their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
unproductively which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
them
to staying
Wrong verb form
stay
show examples
up late and
causing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
eye-strained.
However
, I rather argue in favor of its positive side seeing that it
connect
Correct subject-verb agreement
connects
show examples
people
and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will never replace
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
face-to-face communication.
To simply
Change preposition
Simply
show examples
explain,
socialize
Wrong verb form
socialising
show examples
through texts will never
good
Add a missing verb
be good
show examples
enough for us.
For instance
, online dating is often not the first choice for many women unlike contacting offline as we can see the reaction and
hearing
Wrong verb form
hear
show examples
the tone we speak.
That is
why we generally like to meet
people
offline rather than texting. In conclusion,
although
it is undeniable that social
media
can be
addicted
Replace the word
addictive
show examples
and affect physical health, I am of the opinion that the benefits of social
media
sites outweigh
it
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
detrimental outcomes.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on varying sentence structure to enhance readability and keep the reader engaged.
Task Achievement
Introduce examples that are more specific and detailed to effectively support your arguments.
General Advice
Be cautious of minor grammatical errors and work on improving accuracy to enhance the clarity of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider organizing your paragraphs in a more structured manner, ensuring each one clearly presents a main idea followed by supporting details.
Coherence & Cohesion
You effectively introduced and concluded your essay, clearly stating your viewpoint.
Task Achievement
You maintained relevance to the topic throughout the essay, ensuring a focused discussion on the given task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communication
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • information
  • perspectives
  • maintain
  • genuine
  • miscommunication
  • misunderstandings
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • addiction
  • excessive screen time
  • privacy concerns
  • online security risks
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