The use of social media, e.g. Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

is widely claim

Change the verb form

is widely claimed

show examples

that the use of social

media

Use synonyms

sites will

replacing

Change the verb form

replace

be replacing

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

offline contact for several

people

Use synonyms

Change preposition

apply

show examples

nowadays. The reasons why I believe social

media

Use synonyms

will

bring

Verb problem

have

show examples

a positive impacts

Correct the article-noun agreement

a positive impact

positive impacts

show examples

toward

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society will be elaborated on in

this

Linking Words

essay.

To begin

Linking Words

with, it may

seems

Change the verb form

seem

show examples

sensible for some to claim that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

there

were

Wrong verb form

are

show examples

many benefits regards with socializing through online platforms.

First,

Linking Words

it connects

people

Use synonyms

from a remote area with

Remove the article

apply

show examples

real-time communication. Take

long distant

Correct your spelling

long-distance

show examples

couple

Fix the agreement mistake

couples

show examples

For example

Linking Words

; the couple using these network sites

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

them to maintain their relationship, especially connection. Despite long

distance

Fix the agreement mistake

distances

show examples

and different time

zone

Fix the agreement mistake

zones

show examples

, they still keep in touch with their

love

Replace the word

loved

show examples

one's

Correct your spelling

ones

show examples

easily. Many

opponent

Change to a plural noun

opponents

show examples

this

Linking Words

idea might

opposed

Change the verb form

oppose

be opposed

show examples

that

these disruption

Change the determiner

this disruption

these disruptions

show examples

of human social contact tools may bring about maleficent effects.

Therefore

Linking Words

, in

this

Linking Words

respect, there is

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

evident proving

Replace the word

evidence proof

show examples

that

people

Use synonyms

addicted to these applications

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

which

result

Correct subject-verb agreement

results

show examples

in building up negative habits

Change preposition

for

show examples

their health. Addiction

Change preposition

show examples

social

media

Use synonyms

use

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

several

people

Use synonyms

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

spend time

scroll

Wrong verb form

scrolling

show examples

down on their

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

unproductively which

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

them

to staying

Wrong verb form

stay

show examples

up late and

causing

Verb problem

apply

show examples

eye-strained.

However

Linking Words

, I rather argue in favor of its positive side seeing that it

connect

Correct subject-verb agreement

connects

show examples

people

Use synonyms

and

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

will never replace

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

face-to-face communication.

To simply

Change preposition

Simply

show examples

explain,

socialize

Wrong verb form

socialising

show examples

through texts will never

good

Add a missing verb

be good

show examples

enough for us.

For instance

Linking Words

, online dating is often not the first choice for many women unlike contacting offline as we can see the reaction and

hearing

Wrong verb form

hear

show examples

the tone we speak.

That is

Linking Words

why we generally like to meet

people

Use synonyms

offline rather than texting. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

it is undeniable that social

media

Use synonyms

can be

addicted

Replace the word

addictive

show examples

and affect physical health, I am of the opinion that the benefits of social

media

Use synonyms

sites outweigh

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

detrimental outcomes.

kamonluck1999

May 13, 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Work on varying sentence structure to enhance readability and keep the reader engaged.

Task Achievement

Introduce examples that are more specific and detailed to effectively support your arguments.

General Advice

Be cautious of minor grammatical errors and work on improving accuracy to enhance the clarity of your argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

Consider organizing your paragraphs in a more structured manner, ensuring each one clearly presents a main idea followed by supporting details.

Coherence & Cohesion

You effectively introduced and concluded your essay, clearly stating your viewpoint.

Task Achievement

You maintained relevance to the topic throughout the essay, ensuring a focused discussion on the given task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
44
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

296 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

connectivity
communication
convenience
accessibility
self-expression
creativity
information
perspectives
maintain
genuine
miscommunication
misunderstandings
mental health
well-being
addiction
excessive screen time
privacy concerns
online security risks

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The use of social media, e.g. Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. What are the causes of this problem, and what measures can be taken to solve it?

What do you think are the main causes of inequality between rich and poor nations in the world? What can be done to reduce this gap? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people think that it will be one of the best way to solve the environment problems to increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.