The use of social media, e.g. Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
It
is widely claim
that the use of social Change the verb form
is widely claimed
media
sites will Use synonyms
replacing
Change the verb form
replace
be replacing
the
offline contact for several Correct article usage
apply
people
Use synonyms
in
nowadays. The reasons why I believe social Change preposition
apply
media
will Use synonyms
bring
Verb problem
have
a positive impacts
Correct the article-noun agreement
a positive impact
positive impacts
toward
Change preposition
on
the
society will be elaborated on in Correct article usage
apply
this
essay.
Linking Words
To begin
with, it may Linking Words
seems
sensible for some to claim that Change the verb form
seem
as
there Correct word choice
apply
were
many benefits regards with socializing through online platforms. Wrong verb form
are
First,
it connects Linking Words
people
from a remote area with Use synonyms
a
real-time communication. Take Remove the article
apply
long distant
Correct your spelling
long-distance
couple
, Fix the agreement mistake
couples
For example
; the couple using these network sites Linking Words
help
them to maintain their relationship, especially connection. Despite long Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
distance
and different time Fix the agreement mistake
distances
zone
, they still keep in touch with their Fix the agreement mistake
zones
love
Replace the word
loved
one's
easily.
Many Correct your spelling
ones
opponent
of Change to a plural noun
opponents
this
idea might Linking Words
opposed
that Change the verb form
oppose
be opposed
these disruption
of human social contact tools may bring about maleficent effects. Change the determiner
this disruption
these disruptions
Therefore
, in Linking Words
this
respect, there is Linking Words
an
Correct article usage
apply
evident proving
that Replace the word
evidence proof
people
addicted to these applications Use synonyms
more
which Correct quantifier usage
apply
result
in building up negative habits Correct subject-verb agreement
results
to
their health. Addiction Change preposition
for
of
social Change preposition
to
media
use Use synonyms
make
several Change the verb form
makes
people
Use synonyms
to
spend time Change the verb form
apply
scroll
down on their Wrong verb form
scrolling
phone
unproductively which Fix the agreement mistake
phones
make
them Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
to staying
up late and Wrong verb form
stay
causing
eye-strained.
Verb problem
apply
However
, I rather argue in favor of its positive side seeing that it Linking Words
connect
Correct subject-verb agreement
connects
people
and Use synonyms
it
will never replace Correct pronoun usage
apply
the
face-to-face communication. Correct article usage
apply
To simply
explain, Change preposition
Simply
socialize
through texts will never Wrong verb form
socialising
good
enough for us. Add a missing verb
be good
For instance
, online dating is often not the first choice for many women unlike contacting offline as we can see the reaction and Linking Words
hearing
the tone we speak. Wrong verb form
hear
That is
why we generally like to meet Linking Words
people
offline rather than texting.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
although
it is undeniable that social Linking Words
media
can be Use synonyms
addicted
and affect physical health, I am of the opinion that the benefits of social Replace the word
addictive
media
sites outweigh Use synonyms
it
detrimental outcomes.Correct pronoun usage
their
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on varying sentence structure to enhance readability and keep the reader engaged.
Task Achievement
Introduce examples that are more specific and detailed to effectively support your arguments.
General Advice
Be cautious of minor grammatical errors and work on improving accuracy to enhance the clarity of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider organizing your paragraphs in a more structured manner, ensuring each one clearly presents a main idea followed by supporting details.
Coherence & Cohesion
You effectively introduced and concluded your essay, clearly stating your viewpoint.
Task Achievement
You maintained relevance to the topic throughout the essay, ensuring a focused discussion on the given task.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example