IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are doing and saying.(for example,through cellphone tracking and securing camers).In many cases ,the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening.Do you think the advantages of this development overweight the disadvantages

In
todays
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today's
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 world
technology
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 is everywhere.There is nothing that
technology
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 can't do.
Technology
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 is popular in any
feild
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field
 to do any kind of task.They are used to teach,learn,
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and tackfor
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tackfor
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tack for
 security purposes and even for doing surgery.There are both advantages and disadvantages in the case of
technology
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.
Firstly
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, the most common advantage is tracking and monitoring
facility
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facilities
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 is that a person can monitor his or her property from a distance.They
dont
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don't
 have to be afraid that there
wil
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will
 be some
problem
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problems
show examples
.
For example
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,if parents leave their children alone at home with the help of cameras for monitoring they can watch what their wards are doing at home and
also
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 do their work without
and
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apply
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fear
about
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for
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 their
child
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children
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.
Secondly
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, the disadvantage of
thr
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the
 increase in
technology
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 mainly is using them in a bad
mannerand
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manner and
 in an unwanted way.In most of the cases
Add a comma
,
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these cameras are used for spying someone too.
For instance
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,if someone wants to know about
someother
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some other
persons
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person's
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 information or
their
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apply
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secrets they use small spy cameras which are actually against
law
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the law
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. In conclusion,
tachnology
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technology
 is good
as well as
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 bad in improvising.It is our responsibility to use them wisely and not to commit any mistake.We must make people aware of the wrongdoings of the
technology
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 .We must make sure
technology
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 is used to improve our standards and it is not
ment
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meant
 to degrade us.

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task achievement
Try to add more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments and support your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more logically, making clear connections between paragraphs and ideas for better coherence.
task achievement
In the introduction, clearly state your opinion on the issue to make your stance known from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and improve readability.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of technology in monitoring and surveillance.
coherence cohesion
The essay introduction and conclusion are present, which frames your argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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